Big Brother Recapped: Bros Before HOHs

During the First Nomination episode of Big Brother 11 last night, the high school-inspired cliques embark on the age-old tradition of alliance building. If you're going by Breakfast Club rules, the Outcasts should join up with the Athletes and the Popular should join up with Judd Nelson. "Are you a virgin, Laura?" We doubt it.

The show picked up where Thursday's Super Wedgie-packed premiere left off, with Big Brother 10 meathead Jessie entering the house as the season's first Head of Household. Introductions are made and through intercut confessionals, we learn that several houseguests are concerned they won't have much in common with Jessie, who aspires to be a WWE superstar and flexes on command.

The cliques are now officially:

Athletes: Meathead Jessie, Chicago Boy Jeff, Tae Kwon Do Liar Natalie and Tribal Arm Band Russell

Brains: Gamers' Paradise Ronnie, Neuroscientist Michele and Chima

Outcasts: Gay Kevin, Inky Lydia and Old Guy Casey

Popular: Jordan Grits, Laura DD and Bongwater Braden

Jessie recruits Chicago Jeff as his household earpiece before giving the houseguests a tour of the HOH room. Jessie likens being the HOH to kissing your best friend's girlfriend: "It's exciting and good while it lasts but the repercussions thereafter might not be in your favor because everyone hates you."

Gamers' Paradise Ronnie and Neuroscientist Michele discuss being bullied in high school - a development that shocks Popular teammate Jordan Grits, who doesn't discriminate against anyone nerdy or "smelly."

Ronnie is the first to approach HOH Jessie about an alliance between the Athletes and the Brains. Ronnie rapidly approaches climax as he invokes Stars Wars mythology to compare the union to "the evil galactic empire of the Athletes and the awesome rebel alliance of the Brains teaming up to make a huge front on the universe." I'll stop the analogy there because I don't know much about Star Wars and comparing Chima to Chewbacca might seem racist.

Cut to the backyard where Inky Lydia and Gay Kevin recall the angst of being an outcast in high school and worry that Big Brother will only yield more of the same. Lydia suggests that Gay Kevin bond with Meathead HOH Jessie over their shared experiences of being judged by their appearance, a smart idea that Kevin doesn't put into action.

Most of the house gathers to watch Tae Kwon Do Natalie and HOH Jessie match off in a riveting game of chess. Laura DD makes a thinly veiled attempt at flattery by declaring Jessie the hottest guy in the house, which Jessie astutely recognizes as a "desperation compliment." When Jessie wins the game, Natalie refuses to shake Jessie's hand, an act of poor sportsmanship that bizarrely earns her Jessie's trust.

HOH Jessie calls everyone into the main room and explains that the houseguests won't only be competing for food this season. The losing team will be subjected to "the most grueling life in the history of Big Brother." The Brains, Outcasts and Popular are instructed to apply body paint and meet in the backyard for a "Have or Have-Not" challenge.

The backyard has been transformed into a bad German disco, complete with black lights and disco balls. The Athletes (having won immunity in Thursday's Wedgie Challenge) chillax in a VIP booth and enjoy bottle service.

In the fluid-dynamics challenge, each team races to assemble pipes that spell out "HAVE" and transport a neon liquid to spin their team's psychedelic wheel.

Old Guy Casey's teaching experience comes in handy as he calmly instructs the Offbeaters. Ironically, the Brains have the most trouble and Ronnie remarks that his "linear strategy" was "too linear" (as if there was such a thing). The Offbeaters complete the challenge first.

Bongwater Braden likens the challenge to building Lincoln Logs and notes that "it's all about finding the right pipe," an area where Braden is obviously well-versed. The Popular clique finishes second, which means the Brains are the Have-Nots for the week.

The Have-Nots will eat only slop, take cold showers and sleep in the Have-Not bedroom, which looks like something out of Ikea's new corrugated steel collection. Chima sulks that "I'm way to diva for this shit. Anyone who knows me and my lifestyle would tell you I'm way over this."

Jessica DD flaunts her stuff during an impromptu bikini competition and HOH Jessie surmises that Laura might be trying to use her assets to stay in the house longer ("Whatever she's selling, I'm not buying it"). Later, Laura tries to talk to Jessie in the kitchen but he brushes her off. He's probably just mad that her pecs are bigger than his.

HOH Jessie warms up to Inky Lydia when she gives him a back massage. Jessie vents, "what blows is that everyone's going to kiss my ass this week. It's just the way of the world." Lydia agrees, not wanting to become a victim of Jessie's roid rage and spends most of the massage trying to find Jessie's ascended testicles.

After the massage, the Athletes gather (except for Chicago Jeff who who we don't see for most of the episode) to discuss who will be nominated for elimination. Russell and Natalie think Lydia is the biggest threat but Jessie doesn't like Laura DD. In the confessional, Jessie admits that it doesn't matter what his team says, "My nominations have to be what is best for Jessie."

Moments later, keys are pulled and Lydia and Chima (the Brains' pawn) learn that they have been nominated for eviction. Lydia is disappointed that she was nominated despite the deep tissue massage.

Jessie ends the show by explaining his strategy: "You just got to snowball everyone until the end. I'm your friend. Knife 'em in the back. I'm your friend. Knife 'em in the back."

On Tuesday, the Power of Veto will be awarded.