Breaking Down The Three Green Lantern Finalists

Having put half of Young Hollywood through a punishing litany of spandex fittings, humiliating proddings with body-fat calipers, and harrowing screen tests in which an actor's tolerance for convincingly reciting comic-book dialogue was pushed to the absolute limits of human endurance, Warner Bros has apparently pruned the list of candidates to anchor its megabudget Green Lantern superhero project to three finalists. THR reports that only Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds, and Justin Timberlake now stand triumphantly atop the pile of broken bodies of their fallen competitors, with each actor having his own patron among the film's producer, director, and studio.

It's unclear how this impasse ultimately will be resolved; while a traditional Thunderdome-style deathmatch at the center of the Warner Bros lot, in which the Lantern hopefuls would be cheered on by hundreds of bloodthirsty onlookers placing wagers on how quickly Reynolds can ruin Timberlake's pretty-boy looks by violently running the pop star's face along his washboard abs -- while Cooper chats up a comely PA at cage-side -- seems like an expedient option, its fatal nature would obviously destroy WB's ability to work with any of the losers in the future. As much as we love gladiatorial carnage here at Movieline, we think a somewhat more rational approach is appropriate when $200 million is on the line, and so we're helpfully breaking down each candidate's strengths and weaknesses, hoping an analytical tack might assist in the decision-making process.

BRADLEY COOPER

Strengths: Cooper's breakout vehicle, The Hangover, recently crossed the crucial $200 million plateau at the box office (known as the "Holy Sh*t, We Didn't See THAT Coming" milestone) for Warner Bros, and he's already signed up for The Hangover 2: Dry Heaves in the Pechanga Parking Lot, so one gets the sense he might be the studio's golden boy.

Weaknesses: Cooper's effortless mega-smarm, which has served him well in developing a career as the weasely guy flawed protagonists must punch to complete their character arcs, might be an obstacle in a mainstream superhero vehicle. Indeed, just last summer Hancock earned $227 million with an ostensibly hard-edged hero, but Will Smith's inherent cuddliness made his attempted misanthropy super-adorable. ("Who's an alcoholic Superman? [pinches cheeks] You're an alcoholic Superman, Mister Meanie!"). Cooper's no Big Willy Style; pinching his Lantern's cheeks would probably result in him using his magic ring to induce multiple, retaliatory orgasms in your wife as revenge. And let's not even introduce Iron Man's Robert Downey Jr. into the discussion, at least until Cooper racks up a couple epic personal meltdowns and Oscar nominations.

RYAN REYNOLDS

Strengths: Has actually played a superhero! More than once! Given the spandex-filling demands of the role, Reynolds's frequent shirtlessness -- only avowed Hollywood nudist Matthew McConaughey can claim a greater aversion to six-pack-obscuring garments -- can't help but enhance his candidacy. And he's coming off an unexpected hit with The Proposal, in which the versatile actor displayed a superhuman tolerance for execrable romantic comedies.

Weaknesses: Canadian. No actor from the Hollywood-colonizing hinterlands has donned cape, cowl or bewebbed pajamas for any of our blockbuster superhero franchises. Reynolds also risks comic-book-project overexposure, having just appeared in X-Men Origins: Jackman, subsequently signing up for his own Deadpool spin-off, and being married to Iron Man 2 villainess Scarlett Johansson. We get it, you're a superhero.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Strengths: Beloved by virtually everyone in America, from screaming tweens to charmed grandmothers unaware his Sexyback restoration of pop sensuality has probably driven their teen grandchildren onto the rainbow party circuit. Has extensive experience in costumed roles from multiple SNL appearances. International singing career leaves open the possibility of genre-defying musical number to break up monotony of interstellar action scenes. Other bonafides: Heroically resisted boasting about stealing Britney Spears' virginity until after the pop-star destroyed her personal brand.

Weaknesses: Still-thin theatrical resume makes supporting nine-figure tentpole a highly risky proposition. Involvement in The Love Guru could mean he's been implicated in the career-crippling curse India's offended holy men placed upon Mike Myers for not bothering to make his lampooning of their vocation remotely funny. Constant gifting of his genitalia once seemed offbeat and generous, but now comes across as something he does more out of neediness than magnanimity, a selfish quality one might not want in the man charged with protecting the universe. ♦