CW Trailers: Silly Melrose, Twilight-y Vampire Diaries
Yesterday, we got the first cast photo for the CW's new Melrose Place reboot, and today we've got the Melrose trailer (plus some clips from the upcoming CW fang soap Vampire Diaries). How so-bad-they're-good are they? Let's find out!
MELROSE PLACE:
Whoo boy, this one. Well, in its defense, it looks good, and I did laugh, although I was mainly laughing at it. That first scene...boy, don't you sometimes wish that they could write a piece of dialogue that hasn't been said eight thousand times before? "David, please don't go!" "After all your lies?" "I know you're angry, and you have every right to be."
No, no, no. Live it up, writers! This is Melrose Place. Have fun. Stick random words into sentences. Here, wouldn't this be more fun: "David! Wait. Before you go...angry sex. How about it?" "Hell no. In that blouse? You look like a used-up Miami socialite named Kitten." "I got this from Kitten, yes, but that's not the point. Lay on top of me, at least? Mama found a pill by the pool and she's hummin'!" Enjoy yourselves, writers.
Also, this exchange between Ashlee Simpson and a dude, which I present verbatim:
Ashlee: "I've never seen a dead body before. Did you know her pretty well?"
Dude: "Yeah, I met her at church four years ago. St. Patrick's Day."
Ashlee: (abrupt, inappropriate flirting) "You must be pretty religious."
Dude: "In the basement." (off Ashlee's uncomprehending stare) "In AA."
Ashlee: "Oh. Right."
Dude: "Yeah, she busted me for not wearing green." (attempt to cry) "She was also the one who convinced me to be a real chef..."
Ashlee: "I'm sorry."
Yeah, chefs suck.
VAMPIRE DIARIES:
OK, well, about what I expected...although I'm sad that the titular diaries are being written by some sappy human girl and not, y'know, a vampire. I mean, imagine how long those diaries would be! Oh, the yellowed parchment budget would be fantastic. If you're just gonna have some girl write 'em, why not make it Vampire Livejournals? I mean, really.
But hey, Boone from Lost! That was a funny joke you made, Boone from Lost, when you made fun of your vampire brother's vampire noises. Keep it up. Yeah, that's about all I have to say about the eight zillionth vampire project of the last few years.
· melrose place v2 preview [ONTD]
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Comments
Why was there all that police tape around the apartment complex?? Did they find Lisa Rinna's old lips floating face down in the pool?
Oh dear, that could be read two ways couldn't it?
That Melrose clip was so bad. I don't even know what to do anymore. Maybe I should give up trying to be a good writer and submit myself to the CW. Good character development bedamned.
Adam Lambert needs to move in across from Ashlee's apartment. One day while Ashlee is bringing laundry back to her room she bumps into Ms. Lambert.
Ashlee: "Your hair is super-cute!"
Adam: "Thanks. You should see it on the weekends."
Ashlee: (Laughs) "I'm Ashlee, wanna be besties?"
Adam: "Duh. I'm Adam, oh and you totally have to meet my roommate!"
Right on cue Adam's apartment door opens and Pete Wentz emerges wearing heavy mascara and neon leggings.
Melrose Place: Their drama, your pleasure.
I think the real fall cameo question is, "When will Rosie O'Donnell demand to be on Glee?"
I've been personally flirting with writing more exploitative stuff (finding reasons for people to be in beach attire; getting characters drunk as often as possible), and it's fun, if you do it right.