You Are Not Equipped For The Awesomeness That is 'The Touch: 2009'

· Stan Bush has been commissioned to update his classic song from 1986's Transformers: The Movie soundtrack, "The Touch," for Revenge of the Fallen. And whoever said lightning never strikes the same place twice was ... Um. Well, anyway, here's Stan, everybody! He's looking pretty good! [via /Film]

· Bryce Dallas Howard could use some advice from her dad about gettin' her party-face on. Her Tomorrowland Airways uniform is wearing her, and it should be the other way around.

· Charlie Kaufman's backups for John Malkovich if he had said no were Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe. "Walken, Walken, Walken, Walken?" Yeah, no. Thank god he said yes.

· This fan video documenting a holographic standee for Terminator Salvation at the Arclight is the dark extreme of fanboydom. It's the fanboydom you never want to encounter in an alley, lest it winds up taking some boring footage of you standing completely still, then jazzes it up with some establishing shots and a kick-ass NIN soundtrack.

· We know you're probably sick of the Kiefer headbutting story by now, but so much effort went into this AP report, we figured you'd want to catch up on all the new developments in the case. (And it even comes with a handy pronunciation guide! BRUUK SHEE-ulds. KEE-fer SUH-thur-LAND.)