Drew Barrymore: The Latest Drew Stories

Q: Confessions marked George Clooney's debut as a director. How does he rate?

A: One of the best directors I've ever worked for. A lot of times you have to direct yourself, and if you're really lucky, someone will direct you. I got lucky with George because he really directed me. I don't think a director who hasn't also been an actor can understand how fucked up actors can feel in their heads and their hearts. I've tortured myself a lot at work in order to try and do better. With George I felt really safe.

Q: Where are you with Barbarella?

A: In the same stage it's been in for a while, which is "in development." Nan and I got some new ideas for it the other day, but we are so preoccupied: we're doing post-production on Duplex, during on Charlie's, pre on Confederacy of Dunces, and we're going into Fifty First Kisses.

Q: Did Jane Fonda give you her blessing about remaking Barbarella?

A: I told her that I'd love her to be a part of it. She hasn't given an answer, so that's not no and it's not yes, which is great.

Q: There are three packs of unopened cigarettes on your coffee table--when did you first start smoking?

A: When I was nine. I never smoke at work. I have two sides to me--I want to be a total businesswoman, in control of her life, creating jobs for myself and the people I love, furthering my brain by writing, painting, taking photographs, and having stimulating conversations, reading smart books. Then there's this other part of me that loves watching "Friends," having drinks and cigarettes, watching old movies. Sometimes when I get home I've just had enough of the stimulation, and I just want to have a drink, a drag, and watch something funny.

Q: What's your relationship like now with your mother?

A: Indifferent.

Q: Still?

A: Yes.

Q: Because there was a time when you were married to Tom that you tried to create a friendship with her.

A: Yes, I tried to figure out that relationship. It's going to take many lifetimes to figure out.

Q: Can she count on you when she gets in trouble, like when she was arrested in New York for possessing a handgun?

A: She didn't ask for help. My family's so wacky, I'm pretty numb to the embarrassment factor [laughs].

Q: You don't blame your mother for robbing you of your childhood, do you?

A: For the first time in my life I have a calm appreciative perspective on everything. Thank you, to her, for the opportunities she gave me and for allowing me to live out my dreams at such a young age.

Q: You have a half brother and two half sisters, all older than you...

A: I have two half sisters? I only know of one.

Q: Blythe and Jessica?

A: I don't know the story of Jessica. I've heard of her.

Q: Who is she?

A: I don't know!

Q: She might be your half sister.

A: It's never been explained clearly to me.

Q: Do you find this peculiar?

A: It's just my reality. I'm baffled by people who are close with their families.

Q: How many years have you been in therapy?

A: Thirteen going on 14. I have an incredible therapist now. I never liked going to therapists who were "yes" men and who would tell me I was a good person. Forget that! Tell me what my problem is, I want to fix it.

Q: What do you think about Winona Ryder's shoplifting conviction?

A: I feel bad. I know what it's like to fall on your face in front of everybody, and that's tough. But the world is an incredibly generous place. If she shows over time that she really is a good person, then people will be forgiving.

Q: Do you still have your first gray hair?

A: Yes, I keep it in a plastic bag and wrote on it, "My first gray hair." George Clooney wrote on the other side of it, "And my last." But it wasn't--I'm getting patches of them now. It's freaky.

Q: Why do you try to make your breasts look smaller?

A: I don't anymore. I don't even wear a bra. I'm pretty free: I posed in Playboy, I flashed them on "Letterman." When I was younger there was a time when they were awkward to me. Now I'm a woman and I love 'em!

Q: Where are your favorite places to shop in L.A.?

A: American Rag Cie because they have new and vintage; and a bookstore on Fairfax near Canter's.

Q: If you could live in any painting, which would you choose?

A: Van Gogh's Starry Night.

Q: Why do you feel it's your destiny not to win any awards?

A: I have tremendous challenges to overcome. I still have to watch test screenings where I sit in the background and people don't know I'm there, and I hear what people say about me, which is incredibly humbling. There are still jobs I want that I can't get. There will be covers of magazines where the editors just don't want me. There are awards that I will never be thought of for. It's not a part of my life. No matter how far I get, people still remember the mistakes I've made. It's OK, it's just the way it is. Every fairy tale has darkness surrounding it. That's what makes it real.

Q: How secure are you today?

A: More secure than I've ever been.

Q: What are your limitations?

A: I'm very aware that I've placed a sense of my happiness on men, and being aware of it makes me stop doing it.

Q: Do you still feel crazy inside your head?

A: At times. I'm an adult now. For the first time in my life I feel calm, like there's room to breathe. I can watch what's happening rather than try to make things happen. I wrote this in my journal: "How do you stop yourself from trying to control? How do you just let things happen, when in order to create a great life, with a wonderful job and friendships, you need to make such an effort? What is the fine line between putting energy into something and letting go?"

Q: Why do you believe that you're the reincarnation of your grandfather John?

A: I feel a passionate connection to him, and there must be a reason for that.

Q: You've said that you're crazy because of your grandfather. Why do you think that?

A: My family has battled so many demons that I was born with--I feel a tremendous responsibility to right them. They got so many things right, but they also come with a huge amount of baggage. They were all very, very crazy. It's up to me to find a sense of calm in this line of people. I've already gone so far past some of their demons. Their loneliness, their battles with insanity, with alcohol, with their place inside of themselves--these are the things I've worked very hard to overcome, and I've come a long way.

Q: Do you feel content?

A: If I died tomorrow I would think that I lived the most extraordinary life, that whoever is responsible for it--whether it be my family, or a God, the universe, considering I really believe we're energy fields--I know that I have been given the greatest gifts, and it's up to me not to screw them up.

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Lawrence Grobel

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