Drew Barrymore: Drew Confessions

Q: How often do you see your mother now?

A: Every few months. We don't have to be best friends, we don't have to support each other. We don't have to get financially involved. We don't have to get involved in each other's careers. For a long time, we weren't allowed to be in each other's lives. And the guilt and the pain that comes from that, when you have a birthday and the person that gave birth to you is not allowed to speak to you, it's pretty tough.

Q: In your next film, Riding in Cars with Boys, your character has a son at a young age, and then grows to resent him. Did the film cause you to sympathize with your mother because it made you understand the responsibility she had to deal with?

A: We talked about what it was like for her, and I started adapting it into my character. I was really honest, telling her that, in a kind of weird way, I was playing her. I asked her if she saw the parallels. I wanted it to be as cathartic as possible for us.

Q: Did she feel guilty, putting you through what she did, like taking you to Studio 54 when you were a child?

A: No. I put my mom through some shit, too. I wasn't easy. Imagine what it must be like for your child to be 11, telling you that you can't tell me what to do--I'm off to a party. That must be no easy job for a parent, and I rue the day if my child did that to me.

Q: It sounds like this movie took you on a few emotional roller coasters.

A: Oh, my God, it was disturbing every day--the questioning, being in touch with the pain.

Q: Did you ever feel like giving up on this emotional exploration with your mom?

A: At first, I would ask Tom, "Why are you pushing me into this?" Meanwhile, every time we talked about my mom, I would get emotional about it. I asked, "Why is this so important to you?" He said, "Because I don't think that the difficulty of seeing or speaking to your mom every few months could ever compare to the amount of guilt and pain that I see in you on a daily basis. I feel you could start easing that horrible disease inside you by just slowly trying to build a relationship. You've been looking at her as a child, and you're an adult now. So maybe you can have a different relationship with her." I was like, stop being so smart, you're annoying me.

Q: Has the pain subsided a bit?

A: A massive weight's off my shoulders, and I have to say that this film was a big part of me and my mom working some things out. I actually started seeing things from her place for a moment, not coming at it from the vantage point of a victimized child. Yeah, maybe she wasn't the best parent when I was 10 to 14, but I think it's because she got confused. Hollywood is a very fucked-up world, and it really fucks up relationships. The survival rate is very slim--in marriages, in parenting, in business.

Q: Given the odds, what made you want to take the risk and marry Tom?

A: I think our relationship is worth fighting for. One night we were having difficulties, both of us going through a lot of work turmoil. We were sitting on our kitchen floor and had just gotten back the pictures his parents had sent us from Christmas. We looked through them and said, "That's what's important. Remember that family is reality." Tom's from Ottawa, he has a great sense of objectivity, and I have a great sense of comfort about the way this town works. We kind of have a yin-yang factor there, very different perspectives, because of our lives growing up.

Q: You certainly do know how this town works. You've risen from child actor to teen actress to leading lady to producer. Still, you had to fight to win the starring role in Riding in Cars with Boys. Why is that?

A: Nothing in my life comes easy. Jim Brooks, who is one of the producers, believed I was the person to play this. And I'm grateful he was in my corner. He wanted me to meet with Penny before any other actress did. I had the fortunate blessing of being the first in line to audition, but it's hard watching everyone else go in after you. I heard rumors that other people were going to get it. That lasted three months. But the struggle made it all the more rewarding.

Q: You've stuck to lighter fare for the past few years. Was doing a very emotional drama a difficult departure?

A: Not often can you work with a director who's going to work your bones into the ground from morning till night. Who's going to make you do a film that could be done in two months, and take eight months. Who's never going to let you slip up with an accent. And who's going to help you get to the place where you have to cry all the time, or tell you that what you're going for is bullshit, that you should be more honest and don't milk the moment. It wasn't the proper dynamic for Penny Marshall and I to be best friends.

Q: Would you ever want to direct?

A: I'd like to. I'm amazed that Tom just up and directed Freddy Got Fingered. I've sat around and talked about directing for the last 10 years. He just did it. Nancy and I have really enjoyed finding the right filmmaker for our films. I haven't wanted to get in the way of that, yet.

Q: Many people predicted Charlie's Angels would be a train wreck, but it was a blockbuster. Are people now taking you and Nancy seriously?

A; Yes, but in no way would that validation have matched the level of failure had we not succeeded. It was a sigh of relief when it worked, but had it not, they would have said, "I knew it, they suck!"

Q: Before it opened, were you confident or a basket case?

A: I wasn't as sick as I was during Never Been Kissed. When that film opened, I thought I was going to be checked back into the institution. I really flipped out.

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