Where Have All The Good Times Gone?

"OK, first I'd invite Warren [Beatty] and Annette [Bening]. I think they have glamour. I love him. I think he was the quintessential movie star. I don't know her as well, so this will be a good night to get to talk to her some more. She'll sit next to me. I'd have Brad and Jennifer, whom I don't even know. But there's something about Brad Pitt. He makes terrible choices in movies. Maybe he's got an agent that's not advising him well, but he's a fucking movie star. I don't know why he does all these odd little things with his hair, everything to ruin his looks. But I watched him on Jay Leno one night and he was so funny. I cannot fathom why a guy that good-looking would try to act like he's just another schmuck on the street. So I'm inviting them."

"And you can teach them how to entertain in their fabulous new house."

"Right. OK, there's four. Who else would I have? I'd invite Harrison Ford to be your date."

"No thanks," I say, having had the pleasure of meeting Ford.

"No," Dunne insists. "He's really a very funny guy. I met him years ago, when he was the contractor on my brother and sister-in-law's [John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion's] house out in Malibu. And in the right setting, he can be very charming and funny. So he's on the list. I'd have Barry Diller and Diane Von Furstenberg, because they're great at any party. They know how to mingle and talk with everyone. How many are we having, 12 for dinner?"

"It's your party," I say.

"I'd like this to be a glamorous dinner. I've got to have somebody who's glam. And since I'm single now, I'm going to invite Nicole Kidman as my date. I just love her, and she's available now, right? I don't mean romantically, I'm just trying to balance the table."

"Sure, you get Nicole, and I get Harrison."

Dunne ignores me. "It would be easy to say, 'Let's invite the Spielbergs,' but I want more laughs. I have a sort of curiosity about the guy who directed Pearl Harbor."

"Michael Bay?"

"Yes, I think I might invite him. Did it turn out that he was John Frankenheimer's son?"

"No. His mother had an affair with Frankenheimer, but he's not his son."

Dunne looks a little disappointed. "He seems grandiose and he thinks big, and he's young. Pearl Harbor was a big movie for a young guy to make. Even if it hasn't worked the way they thought it would, it's still making money."

"Maybe I can sit next to him?" I plead.

Dunne is having none of it. "No, he's going to bring his regular girlfriend. But he'll come under Nicole's spell. After my party he'll dump the girlfriend."

There is a look of pure fiendish delight on Dunne's face. "OK," he recaps, "Warren and Annette, Brad and Jennifer, you and Harrison, me and Nicole, Barry and Diane, Michael Bay and his girlfriend... that's 12. But wait, wait, I just thought of another couple we should invite. They're a little mismatched, but they would certainly fill out the table. I'd have Johnny Depp and Elizabeth Taylor."

I swear to God, I'm going to switch my place-card so I'm next to Depp. Let Elizabeth Taylor try to get a laugh out of Harrison Ford.

"Yes," Dunne continues, "they're the last ones I'm inviting. Elizabeth knows the best stories, she's been everywhere with anyone. And Johnny Depp is pure magic. I can't think of a time when he was less than perfect. Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

I don't have the heart to remind Dunne that we're just fantasizing. But he's off and running again.

"I know this is getting to be bigger than we wanted, but I think I have to invite Madonna and Guy Ritchie. I just adore her. She was in one of my son Griffin's films [Who's That Girl?] and I've just loved her since then. So we have to invite them."

"Won't it get weird between Annette Bening and Madonna because Madonna and Warren used to go out?"

But Dunne just waives this. He's on to bigger and better things. "Food," he says. "Nothing too much because we're really here to talk. It has to be fresh and delicious. Flowers, but nothing so high that it screws up your sight line. I picture us all at one big round table, so nobody feels left out. Is there anyone we left out?"

I leave Dunne imagining another perfect night, a night where he gets to sit next to the prettiest girl while she flirts with someone else. A night where he gets to tell Brad Pitt about the history of his new home. A night where he will, as usual, be the most interesting person at the party.

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Martha Frankel interviewed Mariah Carey for the August issue of Movieline.

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