Nicole Kidman: Nic at Twilight

Q: Let me put a light on, it's getting dark.

A: I like this light, don't you?

Q: Sure, I like seeing you in silhouette. If I could just see my questions as well.

A: Can't read them, huh? But it's nice, it makes me very introspective, this light.

Q: How neurotic a profession is acting?

A: It can feed into your neurosis. You have to constantly reign yourself in. You also need to make sure you're constantly aware that you're in a really fortunate position and not to take advantage of it.

Q: Annette Bening told me that acting is about scaring yourself a little. Agree?

A: That's great. It is going to the edge. Part of it is bordering on insanity when you're acting. At times you feel you're delving into things you feel you shouldn't be delving into.

Q: One of the projects you'll soon be delving into is the erotic thriller In the Cut by Susannah Moore--will the film be as graphic as the novel?

A: No.

Q: In her novel, Moore writes: "Women will talk about anything--sexual jealousy, dishonor, the lovely advantages of eating pussy or sucking cock, the disadvantages of eating pussy or sucking cock--but they will not tell you about fucking themselves." Now this is a book that you read and said, "This is for me." Is she right?

A: The way she writes is very graphic, but yeah, it's an interesting point that she's making. It's sort of true actually. Simple as that. Is the question why did I want to do the book? Because it's a book about loneliness. It speaks to a generation of women in their 30s now who are lonely. I'm now 30, and I've got a lot of friends between 30 and 35. It's a book about searching. That's what appealed to me. On top of that, it's a very erotic book. In the hands of Jane Campion, who's going to direct it, that becomes interesting, because I've never known Jane to be ugly in the way she depicts sex. I bought the novel for Jane. I asked her to produce it with me. As we worked on it we fell in love with it. We're now very passionate about it. It will be a very controversial movie, but it will have a lot of depth and insight into women. It's a shocking novel, but the film will not be made to shock. A lot of people have told me not to make this movie, but that spurs me on.

Q: Did you discuss this one with Tom?

A: No. He read it after I bought it. We've grown together as people and we're very secure in our relationship. We have huge fights sometimes, we're both quite volatile and passionate. But we're ultimately incredibly supportive of each other. He would never stifle my instincts and I would never stifle his.

Q: What about casting? Do you ever ask him about actors you're thinking of working with in an erotic film like this?

A: Oh no. Jane is going to cast it, and she's completely headstrong in what she wants. I love to acquiesce to that. My thing is when I work with a director, I just want to please the director.

Q: The father figure?

A: I suppose that's what it is. I try to help them with their vision so that they will feel that you never let them down.

Q: How often have you felt that you've let a director down?

A: All the time. I can look at every film I've done and pick it to pieces. I love the process of making a movie far more than I do watching the movie. I get nauseous before I see it. I dread it. When I first saw To Die For I tortured myself--I kept thinking I could have done things better._ Portrait_'s the same thing. It was on cable the other night and Tom goes, "Let's watch it." And I went, "No, no, no, change the channel!" I think it's because you give so much to the film and you get so emotionally attached. That happened both with Portrait and To Die For. And they had two extreme reactions--one was lauded and the other was attacked.

Q: Does it hurt you when a film like Portrait is attacked?

A: Oh yeah, of course. I saw what Jane Campion put into it and what we all did and I wish that people got it. There was one critic I really respected who did not like the movie and that was, like, Oh damn! But I love the movie.

Q: Jane Campion said that you told her you hated some of the work you had been doing and were considering giving up acting. True?

A:I'm always considering giving up acting. Last month I was going to give up acting. It was true with Jane--I was frustrated. As an actor you're judged on your choices. A lot of the time you don't get to choose among the great films, and if you want to work and grow, then you have to accept maybe not the best things for you at that time. Before To Die For I was frustrated. I hadn't worked for a year. It's a hard industry. We were living in Los Angeles then. Tom was working the whole time.

Q: Were you jealous of that?

A: No, no. That was when I really realized how much I loved this man. I was able to go, "Your career is almost more important than mine." I never felt that before. I never wanted to live with somebody, I wanted to be alone, take care of myself. I had this fear of being dependent. But it's fantastic when you feel that no matter what happens, you have your friend and your lover on this path with you. That's what I was always looking for. And when I found it and was able to go, I can love somebody and he's going to love me back and not hurt me--that was a huge thing for me. When I met Tom, it was that thing: this is the person that I've been searching for. It sounds really corny to talk like this.

Q: Your To Die For director, Gus Van Sant, said you filled a notebook with exercises to do for every scene. And your Batman Forever director, Joel Schumacher, said you are an obsessive-compulsive.

A: It's like doing your homework before you take your exam. It may not come up on the exam but you want the confidence to go in and feel you know it all. For To Die For I learned to edit film. I shot the little film in the film. I just don't know any other way to do it.

Q: Who else is as obsessive as you that you know of?

A: Jennifer Jason Leigh is like that. Barbara Hershey.

Q: What about your Billy Bathgate costar, Dustin Hoffman?

A: Oh, Dustin's like that. As an actor you look to Dustin as a god. He's always thinking and he's always looking. The basis for acting is to be observant. He's also spontaneous and quick, and he comes up with idea after idea. You spend three years at drama school and then you work with Dustin Hoffman and you go, "My God, they should just bring him in for a day."

Q: Did Dustin give you and Tom bowling balls?

A: He did, yeah. We bowl.

Q: What's your best game?

A: I'm not that good, like 118.

Q: Are you a better sailor than you are a bowler?

A: I learned to single-handedly sail an 80-foot yacht on Dead Calm. We lived at sea for the exterior stuff. We worked 17 hours a day. I was 19, it was my first big film. I was obsessed with the character and the film. I threw myself into it. When I look back I think, "My God, what was I doing?"

Q: What do you dislike most about your appearance?

A: My height.

Q: You've always hated being tall?

A: Yeah, I wish I was five-foot-six. And I wouldn't mind having bigger boobs. [Laughs]

Q: Would you ever have them enlarged?

A: No. Au naturel.

Q: So you want to be shorter with bigger boobs?

A: [Laughs] And dark.

Q: Dark, short, buxom--you'd like to be Italian!

A: Italy is my favorite country. I love Italians. I love the way they speak, their attitude about life, yeah, I should have been Italian.

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