David Duchovny: Hiding in Plain Sight

"Oh, c'mon," I say, "we might as well talk about it, because there was an article in a magazine a few months ago that said you were a sex addict ..." I'm trying not to giggle.

"Is that funny? It's like this appellation that they can put after my name--David Duchovny, Sex Addict! It doesn't bother me, but if I'm dating someone or my mother sees it, it gets embarrassing. I have no idea how that rumor started, but every once in a while, it rears its ugly head again. I'm single and I date women. And because I'm famous, there's nothing casual in my life. If I go out to dinner with someone, and someone sees us, it's in the papers the next day. It's like all the stories about me and Winona [Ryder]. Winona is my friend and I adore her, but she is not my girlfriend. As soon as we have dinner together, they have us making plans for the future. There's not much I can do about people's misguided notions, but I'll tell you a funny story. I was doing some press with the Hollywood Foreign Press, and this guy stands up, an older guy, I think he was Israeli, and he says, 'I have a three-part question. One: are you a sex addict? Two: what is a sex addict? And three: how do I become one?' To me, that says more about the subject than I'd ever care to."

"Are you in a relationship?"

"No, not right now. I keep thinking how nice it would be if I was, but the person would have to be willing to make a sacrifice, or the person would have to have a similar life to me, which is why actors tend to pair up with other actors."

"That doesn't seem to work out too often ..."

"Well, not many relationships seem to work."

"Have you ever gone on the Internet to see what they're writing about you? Because there are all these David Duchovny chat rooms ..."

"Oh, I know. Recently I was idle in my manager's office, and her assistant took me into one of my chat rooms. Listen to me, 'my chat room.' Anyway, I type in, 'Hi, it's David Duchovny. Does anybody want to talk?' And they just went on with their conversation. So I typed it again: 'Hi, it's David Duchovny.' And they all start typing back: 'Yeah, I'm David Duchovny, too.' 'So am I!'"

"So what is it with all these chat rooms?"

"They bring people together. It's like church. You know, we all go there saying that we're gonna pray to God, but we're actually there to meet people, right? And have a community. I mean, that's why church is great. It's not just faith, it's about community. Like God, I'm unnecessary at this point. They'd hate me if I showed up."

"You're up here in Vancouver for 10 months a year. Do you get to enjoy it?"

"Part of what's nice about Vancouver is that it's not America, and people give you a bit more space up here. You may get the odd person bringing out the Instamatic, but you don't get the paparazzi. They are really tough to handle. I mean, it's a long walk through an airport. They're always there when I land. Actors feel like sissies anyway, so there you are having to hold your shit together for a long time, and you're thinking, 'I should just fucking punch one of these guys, and I'd feel like a man.'"

"Do actors feel like sissies?"

"Well, I think they do. Being an actor involves a lot of pampering, a lot of make-believe. I'm not saying it's easy work, and I'm not saying it is sissy work, but you can be susceptible to the idea that you're not doing a real man's job."

"I'm thinking about smuggling back some Cuban cigars," I tell him. "Do they give you a hard time leaving here?"

Duchovny rolls his eyes. "I got stopped going down to L.A. last weekend. The dog just came and sat down next to me. And then they brought me over to the customs guy, and he says, 'Have you smoked marijuana or been near anybody who smoked marijuana in the last 24 hours?' And I said, I know I haven't smoked any, and I don't think I've been around anybody who did, but how can I know that?' And he said, 'This'll go a lot quicker if you just tell me the truth.' And I say, 'I'm telling you the truth.' And he says, 'What do you do here in Canada?' Of course, I get the one guy who doesn't watch T_he X-Files_. So I tell him I'm on this TV show, and he smiles and asks me if I have any idea why the dog would've hit on me, and I say, 'I have a dog, maybe the dog smelled it.' Which I thought made a lot of sense. And he says, 'No, that's not why.' And I tell him maybe he needs another dog, which he doesn't like. Another guy comes out, carrying this big mitt, and asks for my wallet."

"Were you starting to get scared?"

"Starting to? I was hyperventilating, getting dizzy. It's like, 'Go ahead, shoot me, I just can't feel this way anymore.' So the guy takes out all my credit cards and he wipes this glove over them and puts it in all the nooks and crannies of the wallet and leaves, and then comes back and says, 'You tested positive for cocaine.' And I say, 'What? This is not possible. I don't do cocaine.' Which is true, but it sounds just like what a guilty person would say. And finally he says, I have to say that the count I would strip-search you for is 1,000 and you counted 190, so I think that probably you gave your credit card to somebody who had been using cocaine.' What's funny is they usually know who I am, and they like to look through my bag and ask me if there are any secret documents in there. They get a big kick out of it. But now I think that if you see that little dog coming towards you, just say, 'Sit!' As if it was your idea."

"Do you miss having a life? Did you have a life before?"

"I thought I did. I miss it desperately at this point. But when I went back to L.A. recently, I was shocked to find that I didn't have a life there, either. I don't know if you realize this, but I'm about to have a nervous breakdown." It's hard to tell if Duchovny is kidding.

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