Johnny Depp: In Depp
Q: Was Brando spoofing when he said he thinks you should study acting at the prestigious Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in England?
A: I don't think he was saying it as a goof. He feels that actors in the States don't have the same learning opportunities. At the [RADA], you learn and study Shakespeare, the iambic pentameter, the whole fucking dilemma. It's a different kind of suit.
Q: One you might like to try on?
A: It's something that I would be very interested in doing. I've seen five or 10 minutes of footage of John Barrymore doing Richard III and it fucking flipped me out. I'd like to give it a shot, you know? Maybe I will.
Q: One hears that you keep turning down movies that at least sound like they could be hits: The Three Musketeers, Speed, Sliver, Legends of the Fall and Pyromaniacs: A Love Story. Have you ever considered alternating a Speed, say, with an Ed Wood?
A: [Laughing] So, your question is: Is there a way for me to sell out?
Q: Would you consider that selling out?
A: I understand why guys alternate between doing something that's obviously geared towards big popular commercial success, then doing something along the lines of what I want to do. I really don't want to make choices in those terms. If there's something good that has commercial potential, I would be ready to dive into it. But I just can't do that for the sake of the box office, although maybe I will at some point. Now, I don't say that movies are like making art, but...
Q: I know we're both fans of Jean Cocteau's Beauty and the Beast and, though that movie reaches very high, I doubt Cocteau ever said, "Let's make art."
A: Right. But I don't think he said, "Let's make money," either. Today, money seems to be the primary focus. It's much more the movie "business" than it ever was.
Q: Does it bug you that the studios tend to sell movies like What's Eating Gilbert Grape as "small" and "special"?
A: I think the stuff I do could be accepted by the wide moviegoing audience if the audience weren't programmed to think in certain ways. Say you haven't eaten in a few days and somebody puts meat loaf here, a turkey sandwich here, shrimp cocktail here. Which are you gonna go for? You're headed straight for the fucking meat loaf, like, nobody get in my way. Why? Because you want to get the big meal down. You don't want to think about it, you just wanna fucking do it. Maybe it's a strange metaphor, but people want to escape from their lives, from their brain, for an hour and a half. Maybe it feels good to go watch somebody blow away 50 thousand people with a submachine gun. Maybe that's a great means of escape because there's no thinking to it, but maybe we'd be better off if there were more films around that made you think, made you have to use your own brain to figure things out. That's why people don't read anymore. They don't want to chew their food. They just want to swallow it, get it fucking down, then move. If movie companies had a bit more balls, they could put more money into promoting a thing, then bang, people would go see it. Or more people would go see it, anyway.
Q: What words of warning would you, recovered TV-series heartthrob from "21 Jump Street," give current TV-series heartthrobs like Grant Show and Andrew Shue?'
A: Fight 'em. Fight it. Unless you want that whole ball of wax and there are guys who do want that. My advice would be to fight it. But they can take that golden path, make a big bank account and not have anything to do in a few years.
Q: Given how you feel about the whole "teen idol" thing, why does your name keep getting mentioned for the movie about James Dean that Warner Bros, is making?
A: I don't know.
Q: I can't imagine you going near it.
A: I'm not gonna. I wouldn't do that. I mean, who are they gonna make that movie for?
Q: On the other hand, your name has come up to play Bobby Darin in a movie that Barry Levinson has talked about for years.
A: I'd definitely consider that because Bobby Darin, on the surface, was this great personality who smiled and was cocky. He was a popular actor and singer, who had such an incredible voice, like crushed velvet. Beneath that whole cool exterior was a bubbling brew of rage and imbalance. He was in a weird place inside, but all the while, on the outside, he played the role because, back then, you really had to play the role.
Q: Fill in the blank: Guys in this town overcompensate for tiny penises by--
A: By becoming police officers. I've certainly known some cops about whom I've had sneaking suspicions about their genitalia, you know? There are some Nazi cops out there.
Q: Failed actors, some of them.
A: [Laughing] There are some police officers who do their job and do it well, but there are some cops who've watched way too many episodes of "Cops" and "Starsky and Hutch."
Q: Ever worry about the size of your penis?
A: I haven't up till now. Should I start pondering? Nah, it has been a good friend to me. I'd certainly miss him if he were gone.
Q: What's the most ludicrous thing you can remember happening when you were about to put on a condom?
A: I know it sounds far-fetched and you're probably not going to believe me, but I was on the 23rd floor in a hotel room in New York City and suddenly, out of nowhere, this armadillo burst out of the closet and ran across the room. It jumped on my back and we fought and I threw the fucker out the window. They have this real hard armor and I was so freaked out by it, that I just ran and ran and ran. I never went back to the hotel.
Q: Is this like an armadillo version of that old Groucho line, "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know"?
A: I think it was an armadillo. It felt like it was an armadillo. It may have been an elephant.
Q: So, you were putting on a condom when this alleged armadillo attacked you in your hotel room?
A: No, I was thinking about putting on a condom.
Q: Were you alone at the time?
A: Yes, I was alone.
Q: So, you were going to put on a condom for the hell of it?
A: Just 'cause you never know, you know? Like I said before, you could walk out in the street, somebody sneezes and bing, your thing drops off. So you wanna be ready. But, anyway, all that was about 17 years ago and I don't like to talk about it. By the way, is this interview about penises now? Is this National Penis Month? It's fine, fine, fine with me. I think we should talk about vaginas, as well. And some breasts, too.
Q: If you recall, we talked about breasts last time. I just thought penises should have their due.
A: Oh, okay.
Q: I know you're very into smells. You've been known to travel under the alias "Mr. Stench." Movie sets must be a bonanza for you.
A: There's, like, 150 varieties of stink on every movie set.
Q: Such as?
A: Normally, the makeup girl smells real pretty, she's usually got on a beautiful cologne, while the grip stinks like a gut wagon. Meanwhile, I'm working on my own funk, which is probably permeating the area like the Black Plague. Everybody's got their own scent, it's all mixed together and those big fucking hot lights and shit cook everybody up real nice. So, you got a funk-and-a-half on a movie set.
Q: How about co-stars who smell?
A: You mean, where there was a slight problem?
Q: Right.
A: Yeah.
Q: Man? Woman?
A: Both. I'm an equal opportunity sniffer.
Q: What was the source of the smell?
A: Armpit. It could have been breath. It could have been feet.
Q: Gentleman though you are, have you ever spoken up to the offending party and said...
A: "Fix it"? No, I just step away between takes.
Q: What do you do when you're forced to be close to someone who's hygienically challenged?
A: You could just use it when you're shooting. It's so incredibly weird that it may make you smile. There are all kinds of things you can be thinking about when you do a scene, you can use anything. Smells, too. Available stimuli, right? Maybe we should change the word from "actors" to "smellers."
Q: I think we should do this again and next time, I promise, it'll be the vagina interview.
A: Okay, you're on.
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Stephen Rebello interviewed Charlie Sheen for the September Movieline.
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