Charlie Sheen: Charlie's Devils

Since Sheen earlier mentioned that most of his recent action movies and parodies of action movies have paired him with other guys, how come he hasn't made flicks with the other, bigger male contemporary actors? Just this fall, when Sheen turns up in Terminal Velocity, Cruise, Brad Pitt and Christian Slater, for instance, will be out with the high-profile Interview With the Vampire. "I'd rather be making fucking Terminal Velocity than ever be a fucking vampire. I hope all those guys, Cruise, Pitt, Slater, are brilliant and win Oscars and make a billion dollars for that show. Tom Cruise totally invented himself, came out of nowhere, started as an image, then exposed himself as a true talent. I mean, the guy is fucking good, can't take that away from him. Oh, and Leon DiCaprio with his Oscar nomination and all his fucking James Dean bullshit? Shit, some of these punks got no fucking respect."

He's rolling now, quaffing more brew, Bogarting his cigarette between sips. "Was it in your Movieline story with Stephen Dorff that he was talking about guys playing the wrong ages in movies, like I supposedly was in Platoon?" he asks, referring to an interview I did with the outspoken BackBeat star. "I was 19 when I made that movie. Dorff is a pretty good actor, but he was jacking off in some high school gymnasium when I was making the movie. Or was it junior high? I'm not saying I'm an old-timer, but I'm in my eleventh year and maybe I deserve a little badge for taking the shit of the decade.

"I mean, how does fucking Francis Ford Coppola, one of the greatest filmmakers of our time, see Keanu Reeves's work, see what we've all seen, and say, 'That's what I want in my movie'? How does Bertolucci see that and say, 'That's my guy'? Emilio and I sit around and just scratch our fucking heads, thinking, 'How did this guy get in?' I mean, what the fuck? How does Keanu work with Coppola and Bertolucci and I don't get a shot at that, know what I'm saying?

"Maybe I should become a heroin addict," Sheen says, dissing Young Hollywood.

"Maybe I should roam the fucking streets at 5 a.m. and hang out at fucking coffee bars. You know, become avant-garde. Or maybe if I adopt an English accent and add a middle name, so I'm Charlie Something Sheen, I'll get there."

He shoots me a look, making it clear that now that Lucifer has risen, there's no way he wants to shove him back down. "Hey, you know what? Fuck politically correct," he announces. "It's time to get real. Time to get politically incorrect on every level. And to piss everybody off, from women's rights groups to animal protectionists to firearms lobbyists, vegetarians and fucking work-out fanatics. I want to piss everybody off."

Why not go first, then, to I'affair Fleiss, the Hollywood madam and call girls brouhaha in which his name surfaced as, reputedly, a John? After all, Sheen has, according to published reports, admitted he was indeed a Fleiss client--one of the few unmarried ones, he pointed out in his defense-- after reports that police found traveler's checks inscribed with Sheen's John Hancock among Fleiss's things when she got busted last summer. But I want to know about the rumors that say the services were for cheerleader-type playmates. "I don't wanna sound like an asshole with the Heidi thing, but it's so fucking... so over talked about," he says, treading lightly. "If we could just avoid that subject entirely..." Well, I suppose we could, but, come on, Charlie, what's the deal with cheerleaders?

He says, "Well, that stuff was fabricated in that [Fleiss] situation, but it [does] exist as a bit of a fantasy in my mind. Somebody fucking peeked into my head, you know? I can't look at some of those cheerleaders and not think about lifting up those little skirts. Yeah, 'Up with that tutu,' you know? What is it about a cheerleader, man? Is it the outfit? The innocence? Absolutely. And those little, low, half-socks. 'Cause, I'm a foot guy, you know. Terrible foot fetish. I'm not saying terrible as in 'bad,' I'm saying it's just tremendous. I'll suck some toes, man. I'm telling you, I've met knockout babes, you know, and they decide to get comfortable and they take their fucking shoes off and it's like--" he breaks off, bulging his eyes in mock-horror as if looking at a gruesome pair of feet, then continues, "Yooooo, daddy, I've got better-looking feet than that. But I don't like to have my toes sucked 'cause I'm too ticklish down there."

Okay, I ask, when did Sheen first become aware of the ineffable power of his down there! "It's a fucking good story, man," he says. "As a kid, when it came to me and Emilio, I was the one who never, ever got the girl. I lost my virginity in Vegas. I was, like, 15. Pop took me and my cousin Joey, who was visiting from Ohio, to Vegas. Pop goes to sleep about 10. We were leaving the next day, so Joey and I are looking through the phone book, 'cause we know this is the place, right? And we find a number and call them up and we set the deal and they send the girl, right? And she shows up. About 26. Tits. Ass. Legs. A fucking red-haired bombshell sent from the heavens. A lot like Polly Walker, by the way. One girl for the both of us. We're gonna share her. Not at the same time, mind you."

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