Pauly Shore: All O'Shore

"You gotta see this," Shore announces, leading me to his basement, which is enlivened by ring-a-ding-ding era Sinatra-style couches, chairs, a bar and wall sconces salvaged from the Dunes, that legendary Vegas hotel. "Can you believe they were going to throw out this stuff before they blew up the Dunes, man? I'm getting a bumper pool setup for that space right over there, but it hasn't been delivered yet." Aside from the Vegas-abilia, the basement sports a gleaming, state-of-the-art gym and workout setup where Shore slimmed and buffed for shirtless scenes in In the Army Now. "I got to make out twice on camera," he enthuses, "with Lori Petty and also with --fuck, what's her name?--she plays my girlfriend. Lori and I are friends in real life, but I'm not attracted to her sexually and she's not attracted to me sexually. Anyway, I have my shirt off and I'm kissing her and stuff. I mean, it's a step forward."

And where does forward lead Shore? "I'm still young and I wanna still be doing this in 10, 15 years," he says, urgently, when we're back in the living room. "MTV was a great, once-in-a-life-time thing that was like schooling, getting comfortable on camera, creating my own style. But the critics never got it and MTV is a limited audience: Middle America, not New York and L.A. America digs me. You know, you can puke all over yourself, walk with one leg, tie a banana peel around your head and be on MTV and kids think it's cool. It's really sad. But I don't wanna be seen on MTV anymore, except as a star who is interviewed, just like Eddie Murphy or Christian Slater or Tom Hanks."

Pardon? Does Shore actually see himself as another Hanks, an astoundingly deft comic who's always charmed audiences by playing smarter than thou, not dumber? "I wanna develop and get better, go where Tom Hanks is," Shore insists. "I've had his career so far. I mean, he did Bachelor Party and Splash, kind of goofy, broad things and now he's being known as this dramatic actor. I want to do dramatic stuff. I want to do a romantic comedy, play an attorney, someone who works in an office, has a relationship. See, I've always had an evolution in mind although, obviously, no one believes it yet. The MTV character kind of exploded and Disney, seeing that, wrote a character in Encino Man that was the exact same guy as I was on TV. Then, in Son-in-Law, I was less that character. So, finally, In the Army Now is me with all the covers off: short hair, dressing like everybody else, being vulnerable, sweet and underdog-ish. I think audiences will crack up because instead of Van Damme or Stallone at war with Libya, blowing up the Libyan base, it's me being heroic and in charge, holding the fucking gun and leading the pack."

What if his core troop of Paulyists don't care to follow him in his evolution and he fails to convince new recruits? "Then I'll be in trouble," he answers, grimly, as if staring straight into Pee-weeville. Instead, Shore says he's hoping that the road will lead to his being teamed with top actresses. "[Disney studio executive] Danny Halsted came up with this really cool idea for me to kind of, like, remake The Graduate with me, like, and Goldie Hawn. Which I think would be pretty funny. And it would give me a chance to do romantic things." Who else would he like to be paired with, on-screen or off? "Sharon Stone," he declares. "I'd like to munch her pussy. I like Uma Thurman, too, because she's kind of dark, nasty and shrewd. Who is Patricia Arquette going out with now? Because I love her. When I was a kid, I used to go to The Odyssey and she was always there. She used to have a crush on me but she was too weird. Now, she's my style. Demi Moore is so fucking hot, but she's got three kids, so I don't know. I love 'em, man. I love 'em all."

Shore points to the living room table on which sits a script for his next flick, Jury Duty, which he likens to a comic 12 Angry Men; that table, too, he mentions, is the very spot at which he laid down his new album, Pink Diggely-Diggely. Since the album's still being edited, I accept his enthusiastic offer to perform an excerpt. He lolls back his head and starts moaning, in porno-movie fashion, '"Oh, yeah, YEAH! Mmmmm, yeah. Suck my balls ...squeeze' em ...oh yeah! ...I'm gonna come! I gonna come! Oh, my God, suck it! SUCK IT!' and then you hear, a big swallow, then I go, 'So, how was it?' and you hear a guy go, 'Oh, it was cool, man.' It's so unexpected because it was a guy that gave me head. Again, it's moving me in another direction."

Well, if he ever moves in the direction, as he swears he wants to, that takes him toward a wife, kids, and Volvo, he's certainly got a house large enough for it. "It's pretty retarded to have a house on the fault line, right?" he asks, rhetorically. "But we're here to party, man. It's cool, very Hollywood, to have an old Spanish house in the Hollywood Hills. We're living the fast life out here, right in the hub of it. You just fucking do it at high energy, you know? Hey, my twenties were fucking amazing, but I can also get behind having a family and being like a normal guy. You know, 'Honey, I'm gonna go do a movie,' and she totally understands. I met Tom Hanks on a plane and he's got the kids, the wife, the whole beautiful thing. I know I'm a good person. I know I deserve that. I figure that God will bring the right girl into my life when the time comes."

But, being a resourceful guy, Shore has devised Plan B, a little something to tide him over. He tells me, "I've been thinking about starting a little farm down in San Diego, a place to keep up girls that I think have a look, have talent. There'd be horses, an aerobics instructor, an acting coach, and these girls would stop off for a month, basically, on their way to Hollywood. I'd teach them the dos and don'ts of Hollywood and how to be themselves as humans. Something similar to a Hugh Hefner-type thing, but more of a management thing because I'd take a percentage off what they make. I've been around for a while and, 10 years from now, I'll know that much more. And plus, it will give me, like, a chance to meet girls."

Why not? He can call the ranch "Pauly's Pieces" and, if he still doesn't find the woman of his dreams among its guests, he can always sell the idea to Aaron Spelling. I smell TV series, don't you?

Stephen Rebello is a regular contributor to Movieline

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