John Waters: Does This Man Look Like A Child Molester?

Q: There are so many things in your movies that could get people into trouble if they were stupid enough to imitate them.

A: Well, if movies took that responsibility you wouldn't have any movies. Look at Snow White: don't give people poison. I never even think of it. Anyone who sees this will know it's a comedy--anyone who takes it seriously would have done it anyway. If you worry that every movie might affect one single person somewhere, I think that's insane.

Q: Do you watch TV at all? Any favorite shows?

A: Courtroom TV is the only thing I watch, and we don't have it in Baltimore. I have a problem with having a TV on. I have a phobia. I have a lot of TVs, I just never watch 'em!

Q: Do you ever get tired of being "John Waters"?

A: Well, you can never be anonymous, but that's fine, it's part of what you do. I walked into a dirty bookstore one time and everyone yelled, "IT'S JOHN WATERS!" That's not the place you wanna be recognized. But people come up and say nice stuff to me on the street, it's not like I get hassled. Maybe if I were that woman on TV where they have books, I Hate So-and-So--

Q: Shannen Doherty?

A: I don't even know who that is, but I guess it's awful being her. Everywhere you go, people say, "Bitch--I hate you."

Q: You've lost so much of your company: Maelcum Soul, Divine, Edith Massey, Cookie Mueller. When David Lochary, who was in several of your films, died, did it turn you against drugs?

A: Well, it certainly turned me against angel dust, because I'd seen what it had done to David in the last year or two before he died. It alienated our friendship. I already didn't take drugs then--I don't put down drugs, I'd never do an anti-drug commercial. I had fun with drugs. But I stopped at a certain point. People I know who didn't are dead.

Q: Let's talk about love and sex and stuff. I have never once seen your name linked with anyone romantically. Do you date?

A: Well, it's not like I go to proms, but certainly, yes. But I've always kept that private because I've never been involved with anyone who's been in the public life.

Q: Are you with anybody now, any great love?

A: Great love! That's really sayin' a lot! There are people I see, yes, but I'm not with any one person now. But the people I've been with certainly don't want to be in Movieline.

Q: I invented this parlor game I want to play with you. Only bisexuals can't play this.

A: Well, I'm not bisexual. The only bisexual I've ever known was this guy who, when he was with women he wanted to be with men, and when he was with men he wanted to be with women. It made him doubly miserable.

Q: Okay, here it goes: If you were attracted to the sex you're not now attracted to, what famous person would you really love to have sex with?

A: Grace Kelly's elbows. I remember seeing Rear Window and thinking she had the sexiest elbows, and I generally don't look at women's elbows and get turned on, but... While she was alive, though, not now! You never know what people think these days.

Q: You've always been so thin--do you have to watch what you eat?

A: Since I quit smoking, yes. I gained 20 pounds, which I've lost 10 of.

Q: Why'd you finally quit?

A: I smoked five packs a day. I coughed so much I couldn't say a word. People were really alarmed, people on the street were asking me if I needed help. I'll tell you something, the day I quit smoking I never coughed again. I still allow people to smoke in my house. I think I could maybe only love a smoker.

Q: You've always been very open about being gay, but you're not political, are you?

A: They never used to ask me. Well, the premieres of Hairspray and Cry-Baby were for AIDS Action Baltimore. I went to the first gay march I remember, back in 1965. I'm all for that, I send 'em money. I'm for the AIDS radicals, even.

Q: What do you think of certain big stars who get married to cover up being gay?

A: It's not my business to tell them how they should live their life. I wish they would [come out], it would be good if they did, but I can't judge them. They never used to ask me [about being gay]. They never had the nerve to. But I've always thought of myself as a filmmaker who happens to be gay rather than a gay filmmaker. We should be able to have gay villains--not every gay person in movies should be like Mother Teresa.

Q: How about kids? Ever want to have them or adopt?

A: I like kids a lot, as long as they're not mine. I'm way too self-involved to be a good father. Kids like me for some reason--they always stare at me, and I'm always afraid to say hello, because I do look like a child molester. I look like Central Casting sent me as a child molester! So on elevators if a mother stands in front of me with a kid, it always looks at me and starts laughing. If I started making faces back at it I'm afraid the mother would get uptight.

Q: If you were President for a day, what laws would you pass or change?

A: I would give movie stamps to people who couldn't afford it. First run.

Q: John, my Movieline editor wants to know: What's with the pencil mustache? Have you ever considered shaving it off, or growing a full one? I think you'd look really cute in a big mustache.

A: I would have one, but I hate mustaches. If I shaved it off after all these years it would look funny. I bet my skin would be real white there. I think I grew it in 1970 because I love Little Richard and I used to dress like that. It was my homage to Little Richard. I don't even realize I have it--it's real easy, you just shave down every day, clip on the bottom maybe twice a week. And if you miss, you just draw it on.

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Eve Golden interviewed Jill Clayburgh for the April 1993 Movieline.

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