Mike Myers: Is There Life After Wayne's World?

Myers pauses for air, so I jump right in. "Tell me about your 'Saturday Night Live' character Dieter."

"Dieter's this German who's on a TV show called 'Sprockets,' which are those tiny holes on the side of film. It's a German television show, really, it's a parody of German television, although I've never actually seen German television.

"Dieter has a monkey named Klaus, and I'm always urging people to 'Touch my monkey, touch it.' And the monkey has the same suit, but we couldn't find Beatle boots small enough for him. In Europe, you know, they tend to sublimate the culture into an art form, like they'll say, 'Was it Schopenhauer, or was it The Skipper on "Gilligan's Island" who said, "Life is alienation"?' You know what I mean? They'd look at the allegory of 'Gilligan's Island,' and say something like..." He pauses, then shoots me a naughty grin. "No man is a 'Gilligan's Island.'"

"So true," I say. "What about all the stories that say you and Dana Carvey, your Wayne's World and 'Saturday Night Live' co-star, don't get along?"

"It's really amazing," he says, not missing a beat, "but this one guy wrote a piece in Entertainment Weekly and he kept attacking me and Dana, saying we were fighting. I never even talked to the man and neither did Dana! And he assigned all these things that never happened.

"There were stories that Madonna was calling my house, that she was pestering me. And that's so crazy, because Madonna has never called my house, and my associations with her have always been because she's a fan of 'Coffee Talk.' And she did the 'Wayne's World' thing on TV, and all I remember her saying was, 'If you slip me the tongue, I'm going to kill you.' Which was cool. But then I read that Madonna is hounding me.

"Dana and I have never fought. Of course, would you rather think that Siegfried and Roy get along, or that they fight all the time?"

"Come again?"

"You know what I mean. The copy is much better if we hate each other. But it's just not true. I have a brotherly relationship with Dana. We love to hang out, we both love Todd Rundgren and The Beatles. Both our brothers are musicians, and Dana and I just like to noodle around. We speak three or four times a week, he has a family, I love the guy. I think he's a great comedian, and it's an honor to work with him."

"Okay," I say, sorry I ever brought the topic up. "Speaking of Madonna and your tongue, what were some of the other things that you thought were cool when you were a kid?"

"Well, I used to think Flip Wilson was cool."

"Funny you should say that," I tell him. "I wasn't feeling well a few months ago, and I went down to Venice to buy some herbs, and Flip Wilson walked in the store. And almost immediately, I felt better."

For the first time all day, Myers really looks at me. Hard. "That's interesting," he says, his gaze narrowing. "Because I really haven't thought about Flip Wilson in years, and he just popped into my head."

I don't know what to say.

"I'm a low-grade psychic," Myers tells me.

"God, I hope it's not catching ..."

Myers does not crack a smile. "I have to say that this is weird, that I would say 'Flip Wilson,' because I haven't uttered his name in at least two years. And that it would be of significance to you--that it would resonate with you--is very interesting. Sometimes I will go into a meditative state, there's a really tremendous, tremendous meditation where you're led through a field, and you breathe in different colors, and you end up at this gazebo, and everyone you want can be there." I am speechless. Myers does not notice.

"So, obviously, I wanted to meet my dad, who died recently. I wanted to talk to him for a minute. And I talked to him, and I said, 'Who did you bring from the spirit world?' And he brought Peter Sellers, so I had a good chat with Peter. I have a whole recollection of the conversation. And then he told me some things to do. And my dad did, too. And I said, 'Is this cool or what? Isn't this neat?'"

It's not the word that comes to mind, actually.

"And then the next part of the meditation is, you need to find a sign to reaffirm the good thoughts that we've talked about, you need a tangible sign that will occur at the moments when you've lost faith. So, about five months later I'm really stressed out from 'Saturday Night Live,' it's very taxing. Gilda Radner said that that's what gave her cancer... "

"She did?" I ask, but if Myers hears me, he gives no sign of it.

"Anyway, I was going to England for the premiere of the movie and to spread my father's ashes on the Mersey in Liverpool. I was having a tremendous amount of logistical problems and nightmares, and I was really very vulnerable. Now, I'm extremely superstitious, and on my route into work on 'Saturday Night Live' I go through Rockefeller Center. And there's the flags of the world there. And like a lunatic, I knock three times on the Canadian flagpole every time I go by. I always have. I was particularly stressed out, so I... Why are you laughing?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I just love this story already."

"Okay, and it was sort of like, you know, you walk, you pretend you're just looking at it, you tap on it so no one will notice, and you walk on. So I did this for like three weeks intensely, and it was a very stressful time. In the meditation, what I was told to look for was a white horse. Are you with me so far?"

Well, no, but I only get in, "Just tell me again what--" before he's off again.

"So, we have the last show of the season on 'Saturday Night Live,' and there's a huge party that takes place at the American Festival Cafe, which is where the skating rink is at Rockefeller Center. Of course there's no skating at that point, because it's spring. It's an outdoor cafe. And it's under the stars, right?

"So, you have the picture: I am super stressed out, it's the last show and I have to take stuff to my office, you always have stuff, and I also had presents for everybody. And it's hard to find people at the party, you're constantly looking for people to give them their presents, and I'm tired, and the next day I'm flying to England with my father's ashes. And my father's ashes, for two weeks, have been in this hotel room in New York, because I'm between apartments. Which just makes the whole thing weirder. Two weeks before, when I was knocking on the pole, I had noticed a 3×5 card taped to the back of the Canadian pole. It was taped on the top, the two sides, and on the bottom, with electrical tape. And I thought, 'I'd love to see what's written on this 3×5 card,' but I didn't dare open it..."

"Didn't you think that maybe--"

"And like I said, I've had the meditation, it's the end of the show, and we're under the stars at Rockefeller Center, all the flags flying, right? As Robin and I are leaving the party, I go, 'C'mon, Robin, I just have to knock on the pole one last time.' This is on the way to the car to go home. And I went over to the thing, .and I see the card is still there. It's been there for two or three weeks already. I go, 'Robin, look, you're gonna think I'm a lunatic,' and I tell her the whole thing, about knocking on the pole, and the card, and she says, 'You have to look, you have to.' So I take it off and I open it up, and it says, Under the stars, they danced on Saturday night, a white horse was their guide. I swear to God. Isn't that weird?"

"What did you do with it?"

"With what?" he asks, looking at me as if I've missed the whole point of his story.

"The card..."

"I dropped it. I mean, I almost died. Wouldn't you?"

There's only time for one more question before I go, so I ask Myers what his father did for a living when he arrived in Canada from England. Guess what! He sold encyclopedias. Which makes everything crystal clear, right?

Clap. Loudly.

____________________

Martha Frankel wrote about tearjerkers for the June Movieline.

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