Lily Tomlin, Seriously

Q: Did they come to your house?

A: No, I confused them. Oh, I hate to have all this written about me.

Q: Let's talk about your early success on "Laugh-In." Why did you refuse to pose for a picture with John Wayne?

A: When I was first on "Laugh-In," the war was still on, everybody was real political. I felt that every act was a political act. There was going to be a big cast photo taken and I said, "I cannot be photographed with John Wayne." [Laughs] Today I'd like to have that picture! The same kind of thing happened when Martha Mitchell came on.

Q: Is there anybody now who you wouldn't be photographed with?

A: Probably not. I wouldn't want to be photographed in some kind of exploitative way, but to say you don't want to be in proximity to another human being because they are just so horrific and horrible, that's maybe naive.

Q: When you were performing in clubs, were you inspired by Joan Rivers?

A: I go back with Joan to [Upstairs at] the Downstairs, when she was already famous. I was in the review Upstairs. I used to come down the back stairs when I wasn't on and watch her through a crack in the door. I'd be literally laughing so hard I had to stifle myself not to be a real distraction.

Q: Now Joan has her own talk show, and she says you're a very tough interview.

A: She really said that? The last time I went on her show she brought my mother and brother out from Tennessee. I fool around with her, because I really like Joan, so on that show I wore my brassiere outside of my clothing. I was supposed to be the president of the Madonna fan club. And she didn't notice at first. But someone from her staff noticed, so when we came back from a break, Joan had one on over her blouse. Well, my mother has really big breasts and if I'd known she was there, I would have had my mother come out like that. [Laughs] It would have been hilarious.

Q: How did you meet and begin working with Jane Wagner?

A: I was on "Laugh-In." She did J.T., this thing about a kid in Harlem for children's programming, and it was so well-received that it was broadcast at night in prime time. I was fixing to do my Edith album and what Jane had done was very poetic, naturalistic and styled, so I wrote and asked if she would work on the album.

Q: You've said you'll spend the rest of your life explaining that Jane is the writer and you don't write. Has it been hard for her?

A: Yes, I think so.

Q: You've also said that she's smarter.

A: Yes, more verbal.

Q: After working with Jane, can you go back to working on your own?

A: I can't. I'm not good enough.

Q: Does she feel frustrated by your success with her words?

A: Only when people say The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe was written by us. Because it's so natural to me, they can't believe that somehow I don't have a hand in it. And I don't.

Q: One of the characters in The Search, Trudy, says she'd much rather be exploited than ignored. Is that true of you, too?

A: No, I don't want anybody to pay attention to me. I don't want to be exploited or ignored. I can't take it all seriously. The only thing I can take seriously is maybe getting a nice new bag of mulch, and taking the time to go out and dig in the yard.

Q: How seriously did you take the time Katharine Hepburn, Barbra Streisand and Meryl Streep all came to see your show on the same night?

A: You read about that? In fact, Streisand said she got sick and left during the first act. [Laughs] I never spoke to her about it.

Q: Would it have affected your performance, knowing they were out there?

A: Oh God, yes. If I'd known they were there, I wouldn't have been able to speak. I would have been too scared.

Q: You mean you don't yet feel a part of the industry?

A: I don't see myself that way, yet I know I am. I'm well known enough and liked enough and respected ... it's part of my family, but it's sort of like I don't go home every year to the reunion.

Q: Are you really selling a boxed set of your videos out of your garage?

A: It's true. There are five videos, and when you buy the entire collection you get a priceless keepsake, a lock of my hair captured forever in a crystal-inspired, plastic pendant. But you can only get this through direct mail, it's very underground.

Q: Why are you doing this yourself?

A: So many fans asked Jane and me for copies of our Broadway and TV shows, and though we could have sold the shows to a big distribution company, it's been an expensive lesson, over the years, to realize that "net profits" usually means little or no money for the artists. Also, since Tomlin and Wagner Theatricalz has always been a woman-owned and operated company, it was a natural step to start up a distribution effort out of our garage. [Laughs] All I had to do was back my '55 Dodge out! Part of the fun of doing this is having to make a brochure to send out. It's like a performance. Jane calls it a performance hairpiece. [Editor's note: to order, call 1-800-GET-LILY]

Q: When Pat Collins had her Hip Hypnotist act she mentioned that you were a client. Is hypnosis a useful tool?

A: Yes. I believe in hypnosis. I'm a very good subject. I can do self-hypnosis. I wish I practiced more mind stuff, like athletes do when they visualize themselves performing.

Q: Do you consult with astrologers, palmists, tea leaf readers?

A: I have this one woman in Sacramento I call because she's so much fun. And I call the Psychic Connection on TV.

Q: Bette Midler once said that she always wished her chest were smaller, her hair thicker, her eyes bluer, her IQ higher, her shoe size smaller. Have you had any such wishes about yourself?

A: Her shoe size smaller? She wears about a six!

Q: What would you change about yourself today?

A: Well, I never had those wishes before, but in the last five years, because so many people get plastic surgery now, I've thought maybe I've been too pure on this point. I've been, in the past, just horrified at the idea that you would have to change yourself so radically, but now it's like some kind of flung-out fantasy, like saying, "I'd like to fly to Paris for lunch." You know, "I'd like to have my armpits suctioned," or, "Gee, I wonder how I'd look with a different nose?"

Q: Wait till Bette reads this. She'll have plenty to tease you about.

A: Bette who? Oh, don't print that! [Laughs, then speaks directly into the tape recorder] Why, I saw Bette just the other day.

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