Most Unwanted

4. SHELLEY LONG

The writers of "Cheers" seemed to quickly spot the fingernails-on-chalkboard quality of the persona Shelley Long projects, and they compensated for this with just the right measure of hilariously self-effacing dialogue. Couch potatoes everywhere fell for the nitpicky, bookish Barbie Doll Diane, adoring her pursed lips and finding the whiplash effect of her insecurity/superiority utterly charming.

Long became a major star with a massive following and exited TV triumphantly to seek out her proper place in the arena of cinema legend. That's when the trouble started. As one of the people interviewed for this survey observed, "Shelley Long's unfounded confidence that she is Jean Arthur reincarnated impresses you at first, then quickly puts your teeth on edge." While many moviegoers probably adore Long, a substantial number seem to find her tight grins excruciating: "Shelley Long reminds me of my old neighbor who used to give me tips on dating. Only my neighbor would eventually shut up."

Another person observed, "She seems to be complaining even when she isn't talking." The groundswell of anti-Longing may have started slowly (her early hit Outrageous Fortune played her against Bette Midler, who is fingernails on chalkboard herself to many people), but the movement has obviously picked up speed: "Shelley Long is by far the most irritating actress on the planet. She's conceited and banal at the same time."

The film Hello Again is apparently what launched Long into the major leagues of most unwanted actors. "The idea of a movie in which Shelley Long thankfully dies and then is brought back to life! Who were the idiots behind this movie anyway?" Long's prissy Long Island housewife in Hello Again, compounded by her spoiled Beverly Hills matron in Troop Beverly Hills, tried the patience of another viewer thus: "She strikes me as some housewife/stewardess/schoolteacher/bitch from the '50s." But negative sentiments about Long are perhaps most eloquently conveyed by this remark: "I send my kids to Shelley Long movies as punishment. My kids say, 'No, mommy, no! Not that woman again!' "

5. JACK LEMMON

Hollywood war-horse Jack Lemmon has won two Oscars, an Emmy, and lots of other assorted honors in a career of astonishing longevity and diversity. And yet, beloved by the masses as he so obviously is, he is thought by a remarkable number of the people we interviewed to be even more beloved by himself. "I am always aware of what a gut-wrenchingly great job of acting he's sure he's doing," said one moviegoer. People tend to know exactly what drives them nuts about Lemmon: he makes them anxious.

One terse observer explained: "Jack Lemmon is the Typhoid Mary of anxiety." Another: "Jack Lemmon is always so completely anguished in his movies. He needs Valium bad. And so do I to watch him." This non-fan took the point further: "Jack Lemmon sweats in all his movies. And I don't mean just a few beads. You always see him wiping his brow with a hankie. Maybe he should do us all a favor and only act in the winter months." Of course, these comments seem to focus on Lemmon's dramatic films; perhaps he was universally loved back in the days of brilliant comedies like The Apartment. No. "I've always hated Jack Lemmon," said an impassioned observer. "I even found him irritating in Billy Wilder movies. He's full of these tics and mannerisms and Lemmonisms--you long for a fly swatter."

Still, many of Lemmon's naysayers became disenchanted only when he started to act. "This man doesn't just chew scenery. He chews soundstages, studios, cities!" said one person. Another commented, "When Jack Lemmon gets worked-up on-screen, he is like the embodiment of all those people who stand too close to you when they talk to you, who touch you on the arm to make their points and who bring themselves to tears with their own phenomenal sensitivity." One long-term Lemmon detester summed it all up: "He is desperate to please. He embraces the neuroses that most of us try, thanks to an inherent sense of dignity, to hide. He's full of self-pitying, blathering emotion, the kind of disgusting, shameful display that keeps me from ever watching the Academy Awards."

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