The King and His Court
This brings us to what Monty Python might call the fulcrum of my gist--to a discussion of the two living rock stars who are the only serious pretenders to Elvis Presley's crown of cinematic crumminess. Still young enough to make dozens of deliriously stupid movies, Madonna is not to be taken lightly. Though she started out in a disconcertingly competent fashion, delivering an engaging performance as a feisty punk in Desperately Seeking Susan, Madonna has since been charged with such cinematic moving violations as Shanghai Surprise, Bloodhounds of Broadway, Who's That Girl? (a.k.a., What's That Smell?), and she also appeared in a semi-robotic haze in Dick Tracy. In Shanghai Surprise, Madonna clearly demonstrated that she cannot act, while in Who's That Girl? she demonstrated not only that she's too chubby and ordinary looking to replace Marilyn Monroe as the national heartthrob, but that she's not cute. (Casting Madonna as a girl who's supposed to be pixie-like is like casting Heinrich Himmler as the Tooth Fairy.)
With three genuinely awful, money-losing movies under her belt, plus a listless performance in the so-so Dick Tracy, not to mention her overplaying that character known as "Madonna" in the most-hyped dud in recent memory, Truth Or Dare, Madonna cannot be dismissed as a pretender to the King's crown. Young, rich, ruthlessly megalomaniacal and spectacularly vulgar, Madonna could, given time, live to make dozens of movies as bad as Harum Scarum, Kissin' Cousins, and Girls! Girls! Girls! The possibilities are endless: Madonna as a druggist's daughter, Madonna as a half-breed, Madonna as a guitar-pickin' convict, Madonna as a racecar driver, Madonna as a crusading doctor in a free clinic in the ghetto. Leaves you, well, breathless.
Still, if the staggering cinematic records set by Elvis are ever to be erased, the new name in the record book will probably not be Madonna, but her fellow Midwesterner, Prince. Madonna, it must be remembered, has already wasted two golden opportunities by making a good film (Desperately Seeking Susan) and a passable one (Dick Tracy). Prince, veteran of three dramatic roles, has never made a movie that is not completely and utterly idiotic, and he never will. Launching his career with the sexist, juvenile, moronic Purple Rain in 1984, Prince has since made the sexist, moronic, juvenile Under the Cherry Moon, and the sexist, moronic, juvenile sequel to Purple Rain, Graffiti Bridge. Too short to rock and roll but too young to die, Prince makes movies so artfully unintelligent that they make Elvis's work look like Pasolini's.
Moreover, there are a number of haunting parallels between the lives of the King and the Prince. Both men suffered from early musical burnout, producing their best work when they were very young. Both men wear tight pants. Both men have facial hair. And both men have lived in cities that begin with the letter "M."
Ooo-ee-oh.
Though Prince may not hang around long enough to make as many bad movies as Elvis, on a frame-for-frame, reel-for-reel basis, he is already in Elvis's league, having acted in and directed three of the most uncompromisingly stupid movies of all time, movies that even the King would have to be impressed by. Like Elvis, Prince makes 'em big, and like Elvis, Prince makes 'em stupid. Now the only question is: Can Prince make 'em big and stupid in bunches?
Personally, I think the kid's got a shot.
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Comments
I don't think that's true at all ! I have 3 kids and they all ate every thing and never got sick , of course if u give too much of anything to a baby they can get sick , because their metabolism isn't ready for solid foods yet. but those aren't allergies.