1. He's a dreamy, angel-voiced moppet sent from heaven to unite the nation.
As evidenced by the behind-the-scenes footage director Jon M. Chu captures in Never Say Never, the Biebs is a man-boy of faith -- a fact not lost on marketing and PR folk. But while conspicuous, it doesn't feel phony; the Bieber machine is selling a chaste dreamboat fantasy, and if that's the happy medium that brings liberal-leaning hip-hop stylings to the red states, so be it. (He's already infiltrated the White House. It's only a matter of time before we pledge allegiance to President Bieber.)
2. And on that note: The Biebs has more Twitter followers than Jesus.
They don't call them Beliebers for nothing. JB's official Twitter account -- which, Never Say Never reveals, he used to reach out to his fans while lonely and on the road -- boasts over 7M followers. @Jesus has a paltry 267K by comparison. But then again, his account isn't verified.
3. Even Kanye says Bieber's nuthin ta f*ck wit.
The sweet vocal stylings of Justin Bieber's "Runaway Love" meet Wu-Tang in this Kanye West remix. Good luck trying to get this one out of your head.
4. He's undeniably talented.
Haters gonna hate, but Bieber's musical talents are hard to ignore. Between home videos of a pint-sized Bieber wailing on a drum kit, singing impromptu a-capella runs, and busking on the streets of Canada with just his guitar and a dream, he puts most other teen pop stars to shame. Also: He can do the Dougie, doesn't need to lip-synch, AND he could probably remember all the words to the Star Spangled Banner even though he's Canadian. Bieber 1, Aguilera 0.
5. His favorite color is purple.
Just like Prince!
As much as Never Say Never caters to its tween core audience (shirtless scenes: check!) the Biebs is unafraid to mock himself. Gently, but still: After sending up his heartthrob persona on Saturday Night Live, he performs a scream-inducing slo-mo head shake that devolves into scene straight out of Jackass 3D.
7. He's a hustler.
Unless you left home at 13 to live in a strange city, hustled early morning radio station visits, sang your heart out for record execs who didn't look twice at you until you broke out as a YouTube sensation, and then embarked on a world arena tour traveling from city to city with just your mom, your crew, and your Twitter following to keep you company, you don't know how hard it is out here for a Bieber.
8. He's a man of the people.
Think back to your days idol-worshipping folks like New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, or, heck, the Beatles. Did any of those uber famous pop stars go out of their way to tell you to follow your dreams? No. They just wanted to make you scream and have inappropriate daydreams involving their floor-humping dance moves, the Tiger Beat tempters. Justin Bieber does it all without having to hump the floor. And he totally wants you to become famous like him so that he can date you.
9. He's cuter than this.
Ready to own up, closet Beliebers? Leave the hipster cynicism behind and testify below.