Intentionally vague official plot synopsis, be damned; the first trailer for Iron Man 3 hit the 'net, bringing with it a handful of images and glimpses at scenes just begging to be captioned.
[Want the full gallery of hi-res Iron Man 3 trailer images? Head here.]
So we know the vague, personal, vaguely personal setup: When enemies destroy his world (including, apparently, that sweet crib and his personal Iron Man suit museum) Tony Stark heads out to find out who's responsible. Hint: Look for the bearded half-white guy with ten rings and a flair for Eastern fashions.
But what kind of life was Tony living, anyway? Ever since The Avengers, life superheroing while flying solo seems a little more empty. (Sorry, Pepper.)
Sometimes Pepper wakes up in the middle of the night and hardly recognizes him... because he's also SHAKING HER AWAKE! But if Tony's asleep, WHO'S IN THE SUIT?? Best Punk'd ever.
So Pepper's like, uh, no.
And Tony's all, 'What? Chicks dig guys who wear nerdy accessories on their heads!' (They don't. Trust me.)
Never mind. Here comes The Mandarin, who isn't Chinese because wouldn't that be crazy? Instead let's give Sir Ben Kingsley a fashion identity crisis and the strangest alien-speaking-English accent of all time.
At least he has magical bling.
...which he doesn't even have to use to blow Tony's sweet Malibu bachelor's pad right off that prime cliff-side property and into the ocean.
Best shot of the trailer: Pepper's shoes.
I call this one "Pooper Potts."
Hey, remember Guy Pearce? He's in this.
Hey, remember Terrence Howard? He's Don Cheadle now.
But who, pray tell, is in the Iron Man suit straddling Tony Stark? Prediction: This image will launch a thousand slashfics. In fact, what are you waiting for? Get to writing yours right now.