This red-band promo clip of Young Adult indicates that Mavis Gary's (Charlize Theron) confrontation with Beth Slade (Elizabeth Reaser) will be mean, profane and pretty embarrassing for both characters. According to my calculations, that's a level-four tantrum in the "angry lady" cinematic universe. Young Adult opens in limited release this week, and to celebrate, let's counting down 10 classic types of female conniptions in film. Everyone from Ellen Ripley to Joan Crawford is accounted for -- but who's the grande dame of femme freakouts?
Level 1 -- Comic Frustration: Cher requests that you snap out of it.
The gentlest tantrum on our list begins with a slap, ends with an admonition, and moves on with its life. Cher's performance in Moonstruck earned her an Oscar over at least one rage-ier competitior (hint, hint), and it's still a vibrant portrayal nearly 25 years later. Nicolas Cage's cheekbone deserved it.
Level 2 -- A Peeved One-Liner: Sigourney Weaver tersely asks a bitch to step aside.
Speaking of performances that have aged well since the mid-to-late '80s, Sigourney Weaver's comeback as Ellen Ripley in Aliens provided us with fierce protagonism, one of the few Oscar nominations for a female action hero, and a helluva verbal smackdown. "Get away from her, you bitch!" is the quintessential level-two challenge.
Level 3 -- Singsong Brattiness: Veruca Salt is the baddest egg.
Yes, Veruca Salt (Julie Dawn Cole) is the most spoiled girl in the Wonka universe, but because she pairs her entitlement with a light melody, she only registers as a level-three spazz here. She wants a golden goose, donuts, fruitcakes with no nuts, and she prefers to have them now. Which means now. Wonka disposes of her before her anger can truly take over, but Veruca's torch song is one of the most delicious perks in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Level 4: Nasty needling: Elizabeth Taylor will make you angry, baby.
You can nitpick Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf's for its somewhat bizarre play-to-screen translation and its sheer overlength, but don't you dare criticize the performances -- not the staggering splendor of Sandy Dennis, the deadly cynicism of Richard Burton, and the fierce sorcery of Elizabeth Taylor. Here, the late two-time Oscar winner begins to dig into her professor husband, keying up his self-loathing with major gusto. She is trampling him while turning the floor beneath him to lava. It's not the angriest moment in V. Woolf, but it's worthy of a level-four designation on our list.
Level 5: Weepy Indignity: Beatrice Straight is your wife, dammit!
Beatrice Straight approached the Network set, acted in one four-minute scene, and found herself with an Oscar just months later. The reason? She's the only recognizably humane character in Network, and when she flies off the handle at William Holden for disrespecting her and her marriage, she is a pillar of rage and resentment.
Level 6 -- Accusatory Rage: Cate Blanchett will pummel you with scandal
Notes on a Scandal has yet to find its footing as a camp classic, but there's no denying the powerful, carnivalesque anger of Cate Blanchett's climactic confrontation with Judi Dench. Is the blistering dialogue not enough for you? ("I was the idiot who bothered, but only because no one told me you were a fucking vampire!") Is the physical assault not enough? Then Cate Blanchett's emergence onto the street with her mouth agape and limbs trembling will surely edify you. She is cocky and righteous and freaked. YES.
Level 7 -- Weapon-Free Physical Violence: Betsy Palmer will now slap you to death.
Mrs. Voorhees is definitely a cold-blooded killer in Friday the 13th, but before she ties up the movie with a final fight, she goes on a slapping rampage that outperforms Jack Nicholson in Chinatown. This scene will literally make you wonder if it's possible to be fronthanded to death. Can someone call Naomi Campbell's entourage and verify this?
Level 8: Murderous Rage: Kathy Bates will have none of your brilliant swearing, Paul!
More Oscar rage! And more murderation. Kathy Bates is phenomenal as the obsessed fan Annie Wilkes in Misery, and the convulsive contempt that fills her body when arguing with James Caan over some swear words is deadly on its own. Sure, the "hobbling" scene is grimmer and grosser, but this moment of serrated insanity earns a lofty placement on this list as a definitive tantrum style.
Level 9: Complete Insanity: Faye Dunaway prefers sturdier hangers, OK?
As Dixon Gaines once put it, Faye Dunaway storms thorough Mommie Dearest in "full kabuki regalia" -- she is a spooky, spindly ghost version of Joan Crawford, and her legendary "wire hangers" explosion is operatically devastating. And hilarious. And it registers on some seismographs. And if another movie ever approaches this world of unmitigated camp, I will call the authorities.
Level 10: KILL KILL KILL: Glenn Close will not be ignored or survived, Dan!
You can't argue with Fatal Attraction or most murderers, for that matter. Glenn Close may have lost that damn Oscar to Cher in '87, but her character Alex Forrest is the reigning czarina of fury, resentment, delirium and unscrupulousness. Knives! Cooked bunny rabbits! Kidnapping! Big hair! This lady will stop at nothing. She is the Chernobyl of tantrums, and it takes slightly more than a fresh bath to cool her down.
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