Not every Facebook game can be as engaging as that of our sister site Deadline. Take the Hollywood social-media fun-time application unveiled today: Dirty Dancing, a hip-swinging, watermelon-schlepping journey through all the rocking romance of the classic 1987 film. But pixelated! Because, you know, nobody puts Baby in a corner, but apparently putting her in 16-bit animation is totally fine.
"By visiting http://apps.facebook.com/dirtydancinggame, everyone who has ever wanted to be a part of those magical times in the Catskills can now have the time of their lives by acting as managers and caretakers of Kellerman's Resort," notes a press release sent along to Movieline HQ. "Players and their Facebook friends will join the characters to build the resort, provide guests with fun activities and dances, spread romance and enjoy music from the classic Dirty Dancing soundtrack. The game is designed using Pixel Art to re-create that fun and innocence which made Dirty Dancing one of the most popular films of the '80s."
The time of my life, eh? Let's give it a shot!
Uh, whoa. "Pick a Trainer now!" OK! Stop yelling! So wait, though: I'm a straight guy. Am I supposed to want Johnny as a trainer? I think? He's the dancer, right? Isn't it creepy if I go with the coltish teen virgin? Fuck it. Johnny it is. [SELECT]
Swell! I don't... see them? Is that the clubhouse over there, though? I could use a drink. There are girls in the bar, yes? Six vodka gimlets and a hotel key is perfectly good romance. Let's get sparking!
"Spread romance"? I love the euphemisms! Anyway, sure, I'll click.
Heads up, Single Guest: I am totally going to drop a romance wave on you right now.
Again? So soon? OK, I think I can.
But you said. Ugh. Let me get a towel.
Am I confused or just exhausted?
[Checks e-mail, takes call.]
Fine. When do we schlep watermelons?
Watermelons! Yay! All that's left now is some illicit abortion fund-raising. Though I guess we've gotta "dance" sooner or later. All right, I'm in.
Thanks, but I don't think I need an hour to dispatch four Romance Waves. Ahem. And I definitely don't need rehearsal.
Wow. This is it? A brown-haired pixel jittering to karaoke Hungry Eyes? It's not even Hungry Eyes; it's how a ballpark organist remembers Hungry Eyes from 25 years ago. What a gyp.
WHAT. [QUITQUITCLOSETABDELETEFACEBOOK]