You might not realize this, but The Amazing Spider-Man -- the Marc Webb-directed reboot of the Spidey mythology due in theaters next summer -- already exists. Sorta: The Amazing Spider-Man was actually the title of a late '70s made-for-TV movie and subsequent series. Revisiting that long-forgotten series is a peek back in time because it comes from that strange era (or, depending on your perspective, great era) of television: The late '70s to early '90s. A time which gave us some of the goofiest opening credit sequences in the history of the medium. In the spirit of the original Amazing Spider-Man, let's look at ten of the cheesiest television opening credits of all-time.
[If we missed one that you think deserves to be included, let us know in the comments.]
The Amazing Spider-Man (1978)
OK, I see an animated web graphic. Now there's the Chrysler Building, but where is... AH! There's Spider-Man! Oh, and now he's... jumping and crouching. We can only hope that Andrew Garfield's version has a sequence as great (and star a woman named Chip).
Beverly Hills 90210 (1990)
People forget the opening title sequence from the first season did not have each member of the cast doing the dramatic "turn around and look at the camera" maneuver. Instead, we get Jim Walsh on the keyboard. These opening credits also included Douglas Emerson and his Lakers hat as the ill-fated Scott Scanlon. I'm sure Emerson, whose character was killed off during the second season, was thrilled with how happy and cool (and still cheesy) the cast looked without him.
Bring 'em Back Alive (1982)
Bring 'em Back Alive reunited Bruce Boxleitner and Cindy Morgan -- who starred with each other in the original Tron -- in an Indiana Jones rip-off about a big game hunter. The opening title sequence is pure cheesy gold. It's debatable if any show in the history of television quite encapsulated the "stop what you're doing, look at the camera and smile" technique better than Bring 'em Back Alive. Now, speaking of Tron...
Automan (1983)
The producers of Automan had to think that Tron was going to do better at the box-office, because that's the only explanation for a show that's pretty much the exact same thing -- only the opposite. To wit: In this version the computer character lives in the outside world. Also different: A terrible, but delightfully cheesy theme song.
Punky Brewster (1984)
Maybe the world is blind. Or, just a little unkind. But in what world does a little girl, who seems quite well groomed, live on the streets with her puppy without child services being called? The best part comes at the 1:11 point when Henry catches Punky dancing and the scene uses still frames for dramatic effect. Speaking of dancing...
Blossom (1991)
The opening of Blossom's first season featured the title character filming herself dancing around in her bedroom. The subsequent season gave her dancing a more professional (and cringe inducing) look. Then, in perhaps the cheesiest montage of all time, the other actors in the cast joined her. It can only be assumed that Michael Stoyanov and Ted Wass wisely put a "no dancing" clause in their contracts. In contrast, Joey Lawrence had no apprehensions.
Spencer (1984)
Here's all you need to know about this one: Chad Lowe played the title character of Spencer. Every episode started with a cold open that always involved Spencer in some sort of wacky hijinks at school that -- every time -- got him sent to see an authority figure. The opening credits were always Spencer walking to his punishment, which -- in those days -- was probably some sort of corporal punishment. Poor guy?
Perfect Strangers (1986)
When Perfect Strangers premiered in 1986, as the opening credits showed, I thought it was perfectly normal that Balki Bartokomous arrived in the U.S. by boat from Meepos. As if it were 1886. America or bust! But how did he get from New York to Chicago? The greatest part of this title sequence is how hardcore Mark Linn-Baker looks as he's driving his Mustang. That delight starts after 17 seconds.
Amen (1986)
Ernest Frye arrives for another day of work, but not before a little Double Dutch! All done in one shot. Which probably explains why Sherman Hemsley looks so pissed off as the intro opens since this is most likely the 80th take he's had to endure.
The Fall Guy (1981)
It has to be handed to the producers of The Fall Guy: They somehow convinced Lee Majors -- who is not a terribly good singer -- to sing the opening theme song. Perhaps this should be a rule: The star of the show also has to sing the theme. The theme alone gets The Fall Guy onto this list, without even mentioning Colt Seaver's tendency to ogle at passing women.
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