"I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people."
I can't put my humble gratitude into words. Instead, how about you all come by my place in 90 days, maybe around 11 p.m.? BYOC.
"I want to say 'thank-you' to my fellow cast members, the crew of Two and a Half Men, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros..."
Your discretion was appreciated, Angus, but look: You're going to be 18 years old this year. There comes a time in every boy's life that he walks in on a man snorting an eight-ball off the back of a manatee.
"...especially Les Moonves and Bruce Rosenblum for their concern and support."
Les, Bruce, did you happen to see the ratings for last week's episode? I should point out, that was a repeat of Two and a Half Men. What do you think the ratings will be for Jon Cryer and Half of a Man?
"And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much."
I appreciate the Facebook poke, Emilio.
"Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion..."
I will attempt to keep my dick away from hookers for the next two months.
"I just want to say, 'thank you.'"
Seriously, everyone, f*ck off.