Movie: U-Turn
Character: Grace McKenna
Quote: "There's something you want very badly. You seem very far away to me right now. But you're determined, you're determined. You'll do what you must to get it... Everyone have [sic] a past. They have pain. And they have something they want. What is it you want? I want to hang drapes."
Best Used as: A comforting sentiment to a teary balladeer who "just wants this so badly."
Movie: The Wedding Planner
Character: Maria "Mary" Fiore
Quote: "You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."
Best used as: An introductory appraisal of a sweet young chanteuse who might be homeless.
Movie: Enough
Character: Erin "Slim" Hiller
Quote: "Attack you? All I did was slap you around a little bit."
Best Used As: A reply to a defensive auditioner, particularly a cocky R&B type who needed be told his "gospel" range is just a freaky caterwaul.
Movie: Gigli
Character: Ricki
Quote: "It's turkey time. [Seductively flaps thighs.] Gobble, gobble."
Best used as: A dismissive insult to a contestant with an annoying vibrato.
Movie: Selena
Character: Yolanda Saldivar
Quote: "Look at what I've done to my best friend!" *
Best used as: A weepy aside to Steven Tyler after giving a painful "no" vote to ex-husband/auditioner Ojani Noa.
[*Yes, Jennifer Lopez did not utter this line, but it's Selena's eternal mark on society.**]
[**By "society" I mean "me."]