Turns out that waiting for Jersey Shore's second season is going to be easy: MTV is tiding us over with the best season of The Real World in years. True, most of the fun comes complete with a few dollops of irony and contempt, but that's fine. Last night our non-hero Ryan continued to infuriate home viewing audiences with his eye-poppingly moronic yet exceptionally watchable shenanigans. Did you come up with 25 more of his most hateable traits like I did?
1. Calls himself a virgin. Isn't one.
2. Randomly plays with peoples earlobes if they're "cold"
3. Cuddles with everyone in the house, including gay Preston, who he offended last episode with loud homophobia
4. Says of the one cast member who calls him on his attention-craving antics, "I don't even respect Knight enough as a person to communicate with him anymore"
5. Blow-dries his entire body while laying in bed
6. Blow-dries his entire body while laying in bed
7. His opinions change on a dime, which makes him... our new Kelly Killoren Bensimon! Congrats!
8. Hates hooking up because it's impersonal, but really wants to hook up tonight
9. In fact, let's quote him: "I feel like hooking up tonight. Yes. No. Yes... Yes"
9. Strips off his shirt, runs through the house, and pouts when he "pops" his shoulder
10. Wears a black long-sleeve tee with the word "DOVE" on it
11. Oh, look, his hoodie says "DOVE" too!
12. Can look like Annie Leibovitz from the back
13. When Knight tells him he couldn't have popped his shoulder, Ryan explains: "It's inside! Underneath! Inside!"
14. Comes back with his arm in a sling and refuses to explain his injury before starting a fight with Knight
15. Is out of the sling by the following morning
16. Is the guy who's friends with the DJ who's supposed to get you into Teddy's
17. Claims, "I truly wanted to be Knight's friend." See last entry when he called Knight every derogatory backwoods name he knew
18. Abercrombie face
19. Urban Outfitters soul
20. Is not Jemmye, the greatest person in the house. Aw, vajayjay tattoo
21. My God, now he's in a "DOVE" tanktop. In cerulean
22. Resembles a looking-glass-transformed Danny from the original New Orleans cast. Ugh. That's hallowed ground!
23. After compromising with Knight, makes him "pound it"
24. Forces an unwitting housemate to watch him pull down his pants, just before...
25. ...Rubbing his bare ass on Knight's bed, after they'd just made amends. Tah-dah