Until recently, the most cringe-inducing thing I had read in quite some time was The Onion's new, spot-on article, "Sad Sack Purchases Screenwriting Software" ("Norgren, whose script ideas were literally too sad to print here, said he likes films with smart dialogue and characters who overcome obstacles"). Then, I stumbled across the website The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin.
Let's ease you in slowly. Here's the mission statement:
Stephen Baldwin of the famous "Baldwin Brothers" Hollywood clan is a veteran actor who has starred in over 60 films and TV shows. He is no stranger to the Hollywood life of glitz, glamour and the public eye.
In 2003, he had an experience that changed his life forever. He became Born Again Christian, giving his life to Jesus Christ. Over the next few years, he became very vocal about his faith, using his spotlight to boldly preach the gospel. However, because of this convictions it has caused him the loss of many jobs and the most recently, a highly publicized bankruptcy.
He has been publicly ridiculed and insulted by people who think that he has been abandoned by God. A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Stephen, but mock God.
In response to this (with the permission of Stephen's ministry President Daniel Southern) we have established RestoreStephenBaldwin.org. A privately funded and managed website. Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin publicly restored in front of millions.
...through giving the bankrupt star your money, if that wasn't clear.
Where did all of Baldwin's own wealth go? Perhaps to the creation of this professional-quality "Give Stephen Baldwin, the modern-day Job, your money" video:
And then there is this site Q&A, written by...I'm not really sure:
Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?
A- Stephen's influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.
Q- How much money does he need?
A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.
Q- What percentage of a gift actually reaches Stephen?
A- 100% goes directly into his bank account through online gifting.
Q- What about other people who are hurting in this economy?
A- Those that just came to your mind mail them a token gift also.
Things were so much more innocent two years ago, when Stephen Baldwin's biggest worry was how best to tattoo his body to impress an underage starlet. The financial crunch has hit us all so hard.
The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin [Website]
Restore Stephen Baldwin Is REAL! [Videogum]