Knowing what's good for us, Celebrity Apprentice staged another challenge that suited the talents of Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels. Scrumptious. This time, the teams competed to revamp young country stars for a splashy debut. The three remaining gents (Bret Michaels, Curtis Stone, and team-leader Goldberg) wrastled with the image of Elvis/Gomer Pyle hybrid Luke Bryan while the ladies (Holly Robinson-Peete, our girl Summer Sanders, a convalescent Sharon Osbourne, Maria Kanellis and team-leader Cyndi) rebooted perky-young-thang Emily West. While the dudes took another beating in the boardroom, last night's five most unprofessional moments knew no gender gap.
5. Trump Calls Trace Adkins "One of the Biggest Country Stars on Earth" -- Trace and Holly Robinson-Peete Guffaw in Disbelief
Former Celebrity Apprentice contestant and current Mumbling Wiseacre Trace Adkins appeared as a mentor on this week's show. Trump introduced him as "one of the biggest country stars on Earth." Trace responded to that with a nervous head-shake. Holly Robinson-Peete laughed out loud. And Taylor Swift and Keith Urban sat at home, called girlfriends, and cried.
4. Bret Michaels Insists on Dressing Young Rock Ingenue Exactly Like Old Rock Artifact Bret Michaels
Luke Bryan's style can best be described as "smiles a lot." Bret Michaels didn't understand, choosing to outfit Luke in velvet shirts and chain necklaces. Oh, Bret, that style says "I date people named 'Rodeo'," not "smiles a lot." Love you forever though.
3. Don Trump Jr.'s Grimace of Self-Satisfaction is Too Nervous
Lil Don-Don, what's going on here? Are you smug or petrified? Holding yourself in high esteem or drenching yourself in the money-print Underoos? The original Donald has little room for people who stand on the gelled divide. Sharpen your creases.
2. Donald Trump is Obsessed with Bandannas Because He's Never Seen Rock 'N Roll Before
During the boardroom interrogation, Trump criticized the losing men's team for two infractions: 1) Assigning Goldberg as leader when he wasn't a Revered Rock Scholar like Bret, and 2) not dressing Luke Bryan in a bandanna. In fact, that was Trump's main concern. Quoth starmaker Donald: "Do you think he needed a bandanna? I think he'd look better in a bandanna." Trump would go on to say "bandanna" 900 times. Just because our love-starved diabetic protagonist wears a bandanna, Trump, doesn't mean all male vocalists have to don Old West train robber gear too.
1. Maria Kanellis Brings Up Insane Shaving Question from Playboy Shoot for Reasons Unknown
Maria felt that team-leader Cyndi bossed her around all episode, which was a fair judgment. She also claimed that Cyndi underestimated her intelligence, which was probably true too. But Maria's way of countering the judgment was, like all things Maria, shriller than Psycho violins. After Cyndi remarked how Emily should answer questions honestly and personally when interviewed, Maria quipped, "'When I did Playboy you know what they used to ask me: Are you shaved or are you hairy?'' This was supposed to be an emotional reveal. Good, Maria. Glad this came up. Because People journalist Cynthia Sanz's main priority is to grill Emily West on her body-hair situation. Summer Sanders considered a standing backstroke out of the room. We all considered relating to Cyndi's harried delirium, for once.
P.S. Goldberg was fired since Trump asserted that he shouldn't have been project manager. That's stupid. Goldberg hadn't been team leader yet and therefore had no opportunity to win money for his charity. Well, this only gives Goldie an excuse to take Don Trump Jr. to the mat. A Pay-Per-Smirk Event!