Last week on the Housewives of New York City, Bethenny taught a little class called "Selling the Sh*t Out Of An Apology For Socialites." This week, the SkinnyGirl was chained to a Pepperidge Farm street cart, where she shamelessly plugged the 100 calorie bread, and her toilet, where she shamelessly plugged her surprise pregnancy. Meanwhile, Alex pulled off her Brooklyn fashion show, Kelly worked the runway in an unflattering Big Bird dress, LuAnn toured Central Park in a rickshaw fueled by condescension, and a new housewife named Sonja introduced herself as Martin Scorsese's neighbor. But the most awe-inspiring moments from last night's installment came courtesy of Jill Zarin, who demonstrated that she can go from loving wife to petty bitch in the blink of the eye -- or in a swooshy Bravo edit. So pour yourself a Ramona-sized glass of pinot grigio and click through for the truest and fakest moments of last night's episode, "New Girl, Old Money."
REAL: Jill's Barely-Masked Anger
In a few short seasons, Jill Zarin has gone from the show's comic relief to just another housewife villain, whose wrath is incited by as little as 160 characters ("Did you not Twitter [Bethenny] a kiss-ass message saying, 'It was so great to be with you the other day?' That really pissed me off.") Instead of trying to rationalize Jill's barely concealed rage, let's recap the insults:
· "When I arrived at Fashion Week in Brooklyn, I was horrified. It was so low-rent. The [red carpet] was next to a heap...of trash. I'm speechless."
· "The Countess wouldn't have been caught dead at anything Alex and Simon would do but I think that LuAnn would have pulled up with her driver and kept driving."
· (Playing on Ramona's insecurities minutes before the fashion show) "I don't think that necklace goes with that. It doesn't go with it. It's blue!"
· (Playing on Ramona's insecurities minutes before the fashion show) "Is that bra supposed to show?"
· "I was so overdressed. I should have been in a wife-beater and jeans. I felt like a moron. I just couldn't wait for the show to be over so I could get out of there."
· "When Ramona walked [onto the runway], she looked like an alien invaded her body. She walks like a robot with her neck stuck out like a giraffe and her eyes are bulging. She looked like an idiot."
· "These chairs are so uncomfortable. I'm dying."
· When Alex walked out, I really expected a lot. She has the body of a fashion model -- maybe not the face -- but I really expected a lot. When she walked out though, she looked like she was channeling the devil."
In short, Jill's unhappiness was very real.
FAKE: Jill Does Not Hate New Housewife Sonja Morgan Yet
Last night, Bravo threw another New York housewife into the mix: Sonja Morgan, or as she calls herself "Single Sonja, Upper East Sider, neighbor of Scorsese, townhouse owner with an elevator, believer in surgical procedures and sex." Unfortunately for Sonja, she has already aligned herself with LuAnn, the Ice Queen of New York City, and quickly lost sympathy with viewers when she offered to give up old $3,000 jackets from her Colorado closet for LuAnn's charity ("I have a closet for every place I have a home in.")
And the only thing that Jill could say about Sonja was, "My first impression of Sonja was I thought she was very pretty. I did. I think she is a very pretty lady."
Really, Jill? Don't play us.