· Jeannie!!! How many TIMES does Ben Affleck have to TELL you?! Keep your stinky little fingers off his growth-hormone stash! RARRRRRGH BEN EAT LITTLE BLACK KITTIE RARRRRGH! [HuffPo]
· Ellen DeGeneres presented the lesbian teen whose school canceled prom because she wanted to bring her girlfriend with a $30,000 scholarship check today. It came courtesy of Tonic.com. Gay Rights: 1, Shameless Corporate Shilling: 1. Everybody wins! [USA Today]
· Andrew Shue unleashed his gnarled, mutant toes on an unsuspecting America this morning. Sigh. Just bring back Kathy Lee. There, are you happy? I said it. [EW]
· Anna Nicole Smith still getting no respect, even in the afterlife. On Planet Me, you sleep with a 178-year-old oil tycoon for 12 months, you get every penny. [AP]
· Aubrey Plaza calls her Parks and Recreation costar Amy Poehler a "violent monster." I blame Andy Samberg, somehow. [YouTube]
· Anderson Cooper is shocked that he lost to Cheech Marin on Celebrity Jeopardy, which is blatantly weedist. [YouTube]