It was another momentous week for the New York City housewives. There were cat fights, brief glimpses of other C-list stars (Dina Lohan) and per usual, the only episode's wisdom was delivered by a housewife's pint-size offspring. That's not to say that the women didn't try to philosophize about their relationships -- the most valiant effort was delivered by Jill Behar about Bethenny: "I really made a deposit in that friendship bank and I feel like she took the money and ran. I feel like she cleaned out our bank account." After the jump, Movieline sifts through rest of wives' sentiments and fundraiser clashes to pinpoint the truest and fakest moments of the night.
TRUE: Jill Is Not Homophobic But Overly Gay Gays "Scare the Crap" Out of Her
For a second during last night's show, I really felt for Jill Behar. Her husband Bobby, who had been quietly suffering from thyroid cancer while Jill burned her weekly allowance on sham psychics, got a call from his doctor telling him that his cancer was in remission. Jill teared up, hugged her husband and then bolted to the confessional to further discuss how thankful she was. It seemed like a rare but genuine moment.
Not so fast though, because Jill lost all of her sympathy points at an Ungaro party hosted by "Countless" LuAnn when Alex swept in with a flamboyant male friend of hers, identified as "Eric, my day gay." EMDG terrified Jill Behar because of the dozen pinky rings he had jammed onto his finger and the leather sleeping mask he appeared to be wearing on his head, I think?
"Alex and Simon arrived with this freaky guy. I was a little shocked. I really was. Like, he scared the crap out of me. I don't know what he was wearing. He was wearing a corset, a bag and I don't know. I've been around gays. I mean this guy was like [flips wrists] overly beyond."
Please direct all hate mail to Jill's publicist.
FALSE: People Paid To Attend a Learning Annex Class Taught By Bethenny Frankel
OK, there actually was a Learning Annex course taught by Bethenny called "You Can Become Naturally Thin" but I refuse to believe that anyone paid or voluntarily attended the seminar. And if they did, they certainly would not have stayed when they realized that Bethenny was using the audience to test out her new stand-up material:
"I do have a boyfriend. His name is Jason. He's not Jason I, the first Jason. I just have this rule that I have to sleep with people only named Jason. Because if you pick one name and only date people with that name you end up weeding them out. It's a much easier way to date."
Paying attendees would have been out of that ballroom before Bethenny mentioned Jason the second time but the extras did a great job that day -- laughing, providing countless smiles and understanding nods during their reaction shots. A few extras even snapped a few pictures.
And then Bethenny unloaded the most important lesson of her Radisson lecture: Fashion models lie about their diets.
"Every model in those magazines is like 'I had broiled salmon and lentils.' And you know, f*ck you. No you didn't. No you didn't. You know what I mean? Like, no you didn't."
If the Learning Annex is smart, they'll just use that quote in place of a description for Frankel's next class.
QUOTES WORTH REVISITING: If Bethenny's stab at dispelling diet myths with boyfriend-related stand up wasn't enough to inspire womanly pride, let's take a moment to recall Kelly Bensimon's Playboy shoot, which she coincidentally told the cameras she prepared for by drinking "so much beer" and eating "so many chicken wings" the week before.
"Being photographed for Playboy is the ultimate sex symbol. It's not like you're posing nude. You're posing nude for the most infamous book in the world."
"[Being in Playboy] supercedes being a model. I'm wearing black leather and I've got bunny ears on! It's basically a stamp of approval that you are a beautiful woman."