Conan O'Brien may be easing his monologue attacks on NBC for contractual reasons, but when it comes to David Letterman and Jay Leno, whose Tonight Show feud has been reinvigorated by Leno's suspicious retreat to his 11:35 time slot, the gloves are coming off. After a few nights of consistent monologue barbs by Letterman, Leno served up a light jab on Tuesday's show (during a sleazy segment with Chelsea Handler) and then went in for the kill last night with one below-the-belt monologue joke:
"Letterman has been hammering me every night. Going after me. Hey Kev, you know the best way to get Letterman to ignore you? Marry him!"
After the jump, the rest of Leno's damage, Conan's $1.5 million sucker punch to NBC and the other highlights from last night's witching hours programming, ranked from worst to best.
5. Arsenio Hall is Back (and Will Disappear For the Low Low Price of $40 Million)
Remember back in 1992 when Arsenio Hall declared war on Jay Leno's Tonight Show ratings? And then two years later, Fox buried the Arsenio Hall Show and Jay Leno went on to spend 18 (and counting) more years ruling the late night roost? Well last night, Leno welcome his one-time nemesis onto his program to show a new generation why they're better off without Arsenio on the air. [Complimentary Conan insult included!]
4. Self-Proclaimed Whore Betty White
There was one gust of fresh air during last night's line-up. Free of any bitterness towards NBC, Betty White dropped by Lopez Tonight to discuss her upcoming SAG Lifetime Achievement award and prove once and for all, that everyone -- especially Latinos -- love her.
3. The Man Behind the "Chicken-Hearted" Name-Calling
Stephen Colbert welcomed Dick Ebersol, chief of NBC Sports, to his Comedy Central show to discuss the network's upcoming Winter Olympic coverage -- something that Colbert is interested in now that he has a stake in the U.S. Speed Skating team -- and to weasel Ebersol into admitting that NBC had been looking to replace Conan for months now.
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2. Letterman Lays Into Leno, Part IV
Again, the Late Show host slung monologue mud NBC's perennial Tonight Show pick before throwing to another smear campaign video.
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1. Conan Winds Down
Let's talk about Conan's third-to-last Tonight Show. It's been a bizarre ride for him and Coco fans this week and while his monologue jokes are full of slightly fewer razor blades than earlier this week, they are still some of the sharpest of his short seven-month stay ("I never thought I'd be jealous of the long and illustrious run that NBC gave Joey"). After the Masturbating Bear paid his respects (or something like that), surprise guest Ed Helms showed up to sing his uninspired song from The Hangover to Conan, raising the question, "Couldn't the talent department have snagged someone more impressive than Ed Helms -- like Zach Galifianakis or Steve Carell?"
Conan then remembered one of his finer skits as a Telemundo character, listened to Adam Sandler's memory of being fired by NBC himself (first video below) and in the gutsiest f*ck you bit yet, Conan unveiled a pointless $1.5 million sketch (second video below).