Yesterday, news broke that the start date for Spider-Man 4, which Sony had hoped would be spinning webs of box-office gold in early May 2011, was being delayed due to script problems, threatening to push the blockbuster off its summer-kickoff release date. Even though it's recently been proven that having a polished script before charging headlong into production isn't a necessity -- Transformers 2's Michael Bay famously overcame the obstacle of the writers' strike by locking two non-union assistants in a hotel suite for a week to work through the story by hurling trash cans, silverware, and broken kitchen appliances at each other while wearing Hasbro Optimus Prime Voice-Changer Helmets -- Sony has apparently chosen the cautious route by waiting until the screenplay is whipped into shooting shape. And it's probably a wise decision: Movieline has exclusively obtained the final set of Spidey 4 script notes from the studio, which reveal potentially franchise-damaging problems too massive to overcome on-set. See the most shocking excerpts from the leaked notes after the jump:
From: Amy Pascal [address redacted]
To: Sam Raimi [address redacted]
Date: 04 Jan 2010 11:49:04 am
RE: Final notes -- we need to talk
Sam--
As per our last convo, sending a copy of our latest round of script notes. I know you aren't happy. And gotta say, I'm far from happy. Utter mess. Looks like we might have to junk the whole thing, but curious to get yr thoughts before we send them on...
--AP
STUDIO NOTES SM4 01/02/10 DRAFT
pg 1. Still not convinced opening with a musical number is the way to go. But I know that SR loved the musical Peter Parker bit in SM3 and thinks that starting on one here makes the bus hijacking by the terrorist (Hungarian! not Al Qaeda, too sensitive!) a real sucker-punch. The execution isn't there. "Walkin' On Sunshine," really? If we're gonna do it, we can do better. Taylor Swift better. Let me worry about the licensing.
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pg 12. Having J.Jonah scream that Peter should "go start a blog" if he doesn't like the low price for his photos feels stale. Consider "go tweet a Twitter." Dbl check, but I think that's what they say.
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pg. 25. Have we not explored "accidental web-slinging as obvious premature ejac" metaphor enough in three movies? Feeling a bit hack now. Esp when Aunt May walks in on him watching the YouTube clip of the Vulture attack. We get it, web = semen. Wrists = penises. Aunt = Oedipal mother figure. Ick. Not even sexy.
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pg. 37 PG-13! PG-13! No nudity! Where is this coming from? And full-frontal? Maguire has total nevernude rider, he's not even working out this time (he's really porked up since starving himself for Brothers), we're CGI on everything below first chin. Definitely definitely no d*ck. CAA will f'cking kill me if they even ever see this page. TEAR OUT AND BURN.
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pg. 41. Very cute. Peter walks by store window full of TV sets with James Franco starring on daytime soap. Hilarious to 20 people who get the joke. But confusing to everybody who'll wonder how/why dead Harry Osborn is on General Hospital.
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pg. 56. OK. I KNOW we all had a conf call about how important Avatar is to our business. I GET it. But we're gonna get KILLED on the blogs with this Vulture nonsense. Malkovich can't - CAN NOT - lie down in a pod, have his brain shoot thru a psychedelic tunnel, and then FLY out of his lair in the ten-foot-tall body of a blue vulture. NO. First of all, Isn't Vulture color scheme usually green? Second of all, NO. DERIVATIVE. Still think Iron Man-style armor with wings is way to go. Or Goblin gliders strapped to arms. Either/or. Both art concepts were solid.
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pg. 73. Moment between Peter and ghost of Uncle Ben feels on the nose. And he's been dead for like years now, can't he bring back from heaven a new/better insight than "great power/great responsibility" bit by now? Put some effort in. Crack a couple fortune cookies and pick the best one.
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pg. 90. Troublesome. Introducing a new villain on page 90? Really? Don't get this. We DID NOT clear it. No mention of The Meddler in comix AT ALL. We're gearing up for third act and we have a baddie whose evil power is giving Spidey terrible advice and always telling him how to do his job? And she's FEMALE? Just not cinematic at all. V. poor merchandising possibilities to boot. If you were going to go so far off the reservation here, why not come up with something cool, like a guy who has the ability to control giant talking sewer rats with sign language? Nevermind. LOSE IT. Whole act might be trashed.
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pg. 105. Oh, I get it. I'm the Meddler. Right. FUNNY. How about she has this power: KILLING YOUR CAREER WITH HER MIND-RAYS. Have fun parking cars at El Coyote again, assh*le.