True Blood already has a ridiculously sprawling cast filled with vampires, shapeshifters, were-vampires, shape-wolves, and drunken hayseeds (the most dangerous of all!), but it seems like every day brings with it a new casting notice for Season 3. Who are all these new people? Who will they be playing? And most importantly, how naked will Alan Ball make them get? Here's Movieline's handy-dandy guide to help you make sense of it all:
THE LOVE INTERESTS
Alcide Heveraux: Joe Mangianello
Affiliation: Werewolf
Backstory: One of the most anticipated new roles, as the courteous Alcide becomes a love interest for Sookie later in the series. (Say what you will about Sookie having too many love interests too soon, but you have to admire the girl's commitment to interspecies diversity.)
Chances of Getting Naked: By the time these two get together, Anna Paquin's breast-baring will have lost its novelty value. Someone's gotta pick up the slack.
Franklin Mott: James Frain
Affiliation: Vampire
Backstory: Franklin has a lot to live up to, as he'll be replacing the oft-objectified Eggs as Tara's new main squeeze.
Chances of Getting Naked: Described in the casting notice as "sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy." (In casting parlance, that fourth "sexy" means the auditioning actor has to slate, read, and submit to an in-the-room improv exercise that involves manscaping and cupped genitals.)
Caroline: Shannon Lucio
Affiliation: Human
Backstory: Bill's Civil War wife, who he abandoned after he was turned after he was turned into a vampire.
Chances of Getting Naked: Did they actually get naked during the Civil War? I always thought they mourned the loss at Fort Sumter, then engaged in heavy petting through a sheet.
Reverend Daniels: Gregg Daniel
Affiliation: Human
Backstory: The church pastor who counsels Lettie Mae, Tara's mother.
Chances of Getting Naked: Says the casting notice: "He's a bit uncomfortable when Lettie Mae's hug goes on too long." As are we. Let's end it there.
THE EXTENDED FAMILY
Lafayette's mother: Alfre Woodard
Affiliation: Human
Backstory: I repeat: Alfre Woodard is playing Lafayette's mother. I can only hope they call each other "hooker" and start removing earrings when family spats get too heated.
Chances of Getting Naked: I mean, after that Desperate Housewives arc and the cancellation of Three Rivers, a girl's gotta put food at the table, but I'm thinking not.
Tommy: Marshall Allman
Affiliation: Shapeshifter
Backstory: Sam's brother.
Chances of Getting Naked: When the casting notice for your part has the somehow quaint-sounding term "BACKSIDE NUDITY" in capital letters, you're getting naked.
Melinda: J Smith-Cameron
Affiliation: Shapeshifter
Backstory: Sam's dirt-poor, hungover, trashy-looking mother.
Chances of Getting Naked: I'm betting that a low-cut, Cheeto-stained blouse is as far as we're going here.
Joe Lee: Cooper Huckabee
Affiliation: Shapeshifter
Backstory: Sam's father.
Chances of Getting Naked: Only if we're getting an exciting flashback to Sam's conception, where his parents morph-mated as birds, pigs, and adorably spooning okapi.
THE NEW BLOOD
Coot: Grant Bowler
Affiliation: Werewolf
Backstory: The leader of a group of dangerous "were-bikers." This show.
Chances of Getting Naked: High. Bowler is Australian, and that's simply what they do. Just ask Ryan Kwanten.
Russell Edgington: Denis O'Hare
Affiliation: Vampire
Backstory: The gay vampire king of Mississippi
Chances of Getting Naked: No need, when you're flanked by...
Talbot: Theo Alexander
Affiliation: Vampire
Backstory: Russell's hunky, sarcastic boy-toy.
Chances of Getting Naked: Described as an "intensely beautiful male vampire [with] the buff good looks of an underwear model." Count on him taking a nudity bullet for Denis O'Hare.
THE PROMOTION
Pam: Kristin Bauer
Affiliation: Vampire
Backstory: Formerly just a recurring member of True Blood's sprawling cast, Bauer's bisexual vampire's been upgraded to regular status.
Chances of Getting Naked: Like a Scientology war bride, it's impossible for a True Blood cast member to sign an ironclad contract without knowing exactly what's expected in return. See you at 24-Hour Fitness, Kristin!