A lot of bad movies make money every year, but most film sites didn't complain about it until New Moon arrived on the scene and broke a box office record held by The Dark Knight. Suddenly, writers who had dutifully chronicled every Transformers voice casting and G.I. Joe character poster on their blogs were bemoaning the state of cinema, and though their reactions may not surprise grizzled veterans of the Comic-Con Gender Wars, it's nevertheless amusing to see. Some are livid, some are accusatory, and all are way, way over-the-top. Here are 7 of the most threatened:
1. "I hate Twilight pretty much as passionately as anything I've ever hated before...If you're a lady and you're under 21, good on ya. Enjoy what you built. Your dollars and zeal have led to a tonal shift in the cultural landscape. If you're 35, I hope your holes seal up."
Nick Nunziata, CHUD
2. "I dated a girl like Bella once. Thank god they make medication for girls like that now...Yeah, Bella Swan is textbook; farm raised, corn fed cocktease bemoaning her pathetic lot in life. That women identify with her at all troubles me...If you see this, see it with beer or with promise of sex afterward. Just don't let her lather up your dong in body glitter. You have to draw the line somewhere."
Massawyrm, AICN
3.
Erik Davis, Cinematical
4. "$140 million worth of moviegoers were seduced by the regressive, socially-damaging and all-around shameful The Twilight Saga: New Moon...Worth noting is that the opener is more than TWICE that of Twilight's mammoth first weekend, which means that, somehow, despite word getting out that these were seriously dangerous, creatively bankrupt and socially inhuman books and movies, the base expanded."
Gabe Toro, The Playlist
5. "I should also take the opportunity to admit here that I've never read a single one of the books in the series written by Stephanie Meyer; the closest I ever got was paging through and reading select passages from the first novel that had mysteriously beckoned to me from a characteristically gargantuan and assaultive display in the front of a Borders bookstore. I found Meyers' writing to be passable, at best, and at worst comparable to the pandering prose of a dime-store romance novel bearing the image of a rock-hard Fabio clone on the cover. After thumbing through the book for several minutes, I truthfully couldn't stand it anymore and tossed it back, noting in my own head that within the hour it would likely be scooped up by some pimply, braces-wearing seventh grade girl who sadly probably hasn't ever even heard the name Judy Blume."
Chris Eggertsen, Bloody Disgusting
6.
Skyler Stone, Funny or Die
7. "As I ran out of the theater, with my manhood somewhat intact, NEW MOON's memory was one of an overlong film about not much....Yes when I got home I watched HOURS of lesbian porn to wash the cock heavy butter this flick double dipped in."
Editor, Arrow in the Head