The mood is one of cautious contentment since the big announcement that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin would be tag-teaming Oscar-hosting duties this year. (Movieline, meanwhile, was pleased to see that the Academy had come around to taking our advice on such matters, and can only hope they similarly see the light regarding our upcoming post, "They Should Totally Hold the Oscars On That World's Biggest Cruise Ship.") In any case, Martin and Baldwin seem a fitting choice -- their names even sound like a throwback comedy duo; we've compiled for you a list of talents these two veterans might draw upon to spice up the proceedings.
· Best Picture-Themed Balloon Animals
Steve Martin was never the most technically gifted of balloon animal sculptors, but what he lacked in skill he made up for in unbridled enthusiasm. How awesome would it be if instead of clips at this year's ceremony, Martin would huff, twist, and squeak together a balloon animal for every Best Picture nominee. "Here you are, Lee Daniels!" "What is it?" "It's Precious getting raped by her father! Or a giraffe."
· A Cast of Thousands (or Dozens)
When is a pair of hosts not a pair a hosts? When your hosts are also brilliant actors, able to slip effortlessly into any number of alter egos, as Baldwin so ably demonstrated during a talk-therapy session with Tracy Jordan on last season's 30 Rock. Who knows -- maybe Mrs. Rodriguez might show up to present the award for Best Sound Editing, reminding the orchestra on her way to the podium to "ay papi, keep it down, people are sleeping!"
· Magic!
Martin got his start as a magician working at Disneyland -- a skill he'd later incorporate into his earliest routines, like this one on Laugh-In. Perhaps he can harness the powers of prestidigitation to make the show come in under four hours and seem entertaining!
· Many, Many References to It's Complicated
Nancy Meyers' latest rich-white-people-with-big-houses-and-problems movie features both Oscar hosts (plus Meryl Streep) -- making this not just a powerhouse cast, but probably the first feature film for both of them that didn't give off the pungent scent of decaying turkey. Expect to hear about how great it is, a lot!
· Two Rich Resumés To Draw From
"We're adding a little something to this year's Academy Awards. As you all know, first prize is an Oscar. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're dead. Roll the In Memoriam!"
· Michael Jackson ... In The Building
Whether or not This Is It gets a slot in the Best Picture ballot, its star will loom large over the proceedings. Luckily, Martin has already proved how impressively he fills Jackson's shoes. If anyone will let the Oscars sizzle, he will.
· The Jonas Brothers!
Just like Miley Cyrus and the High School Musical kids found their way onto the stage at last year's Oscars, there's no way this year's producer Adam Shankman -- who's fluent in tweenese -- won't find a way to make similar magic happen with The Jonas Brothers. They have three songs on the Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian soundtrack: "My Heart Will Go On", "Love Bug", "Fly with Me." Expect at least one to get nominated. And then the fourth Jonas can join them on sax or stand-up bass, or whatever he plays.
· Lots of Self-Referencing in the Opening Monologue
Another viewing of Martin's 2001 monologue reveals it wasn't as funny as I'd remembered. The gay joke was funny, but then he sort of meanders into a run-on riff about dinner with celebrity friends that's feels like a flaccid outtake from L.A. Story. Let's hope he doesn't make it all about himself this year.
· Timely and Topical Jokes
What you're seeing here is Baldwin's unofficial audition for the gig. He killed recently when he hosted the Elle Women in Hollywood awards. Carol Burnett suggested to the audience that he would make a great Oscars host, and Shankman, also there, just smiled and said nothing. You want Kanye West and Balloon Boy jokes? Baldwin has 'em!