Some romantic comedies are content to just be, and for them, a major victory is a $50 million gross or landing an original Duffy song for the end credits. Not Valentine's Day! Valentine's Day will eat those romantic comedies, then grow stronger as it adds their souls to its own. Valentine's Day is the ur-romantic comedy. The more you fear Valentine's Day, the stronger it becomes. You don't believe it? Take in this titan of a trailer, which employs every Jessica who's ever landed the cover of Esquire (but not Katherine Heigl!) and boasts Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper as its star couple.
Oh, but wait.
There's a little something the makers of Valentine's Day (FROM THE DIRECTOR OF PRETTY WOMAN) aren't telling you, and that is: Cooper's character is gay! In fact, he's in a relationship with the briefly glimpsed Eric Dane (but not Rebecca Gayheart or...anyone else...OK?). Still, such a revelation would be out of place in this strictly by-the-numbers trailer, whose only intention is to dazzle you with its starry cast and crush you like a romcom behemoth.
VERDICT: It is pointless to resist assimilation into the Valentine's Day hive mind. You're already eating ice cream and watching this with your best friend, played by an up-and-coming female comedienne.