This is why studios don't screen some movies for critics. After a summer during which Bradley Cooper and Sandra Bullock hits combined for $350 million at the box office, the harsh reality of September has set in with their romantic quasi-farce All About Steve. The early reviews are in, and you might say they could be... better. But how bad could Steve really be? Let's take a sampling after the jump.
9. "Occasionally, the scattershot humor hits a target. But mostly it's painful to watch Bullock, now 45, babbling like a psychotic as she chases a younger hunk." -- Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch
8. "It's ultimately neither romantic comedy nor anti-romantic comedy, wandering so far off course that it's hard to tell exactly what it is, beyond a self-infatuated quirkfest populated by three-legged babies, deaf children stuck in abandoned mines, and a potential love interest for Bullock, played by DJ Qualls, who makes apple carvings that look like celebrities' faces." -- Nathan Rabin, The AV Club
7. "Mary appears to be emotionally handicapped in a way that's neither cute nor charming and would be worrisome if you were her friend. Though you wouldn't be." -- Connie Ogle, Miami Herald
6. "[Bullock]'s never been that good in dizzy, 'out there' roles. She might have learned that lesson with 1999's in Forces of Nature. Apparently not. All About Steve, an unfunny, annoying, badly written, badly acted comic fiasco, may be the worst movie in Bullock's career. -- Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel
5. "Frantic, inane, moronic and obnoxious, All About Steve ranks among the very worst movies of the year. The decade, even. [...] Unless you're desperate to start a drinking game when this movie hits cable -- knock one back every time Mary says 'crossword'!" -- spare yourself." -- Alonso Duralde, MSNBC
4. "Cooper's character proves utterly bland, and [Thomas Haden] Church's take on the unctuous news guy makes you wonder if he'd rather jump back a couple of movies, transform into sand and quietly ooze away." -- Brian Lowry, Variety
3. "Any comedy that falls back on a woman talking to her hamster or the plight of hearing-impaired children in a mineshaft isn't just grasping at straws, it's throwing in the towel." -- Matt Pais, Metromix Chicago
2. "The film isn't merely unfunny and stupefyingly inane but a depressing waste of money, energy and time, yours included. This soul-killing atrocity begins with a bad idea and fully delivers on its lack of promise." -- Rafer Guzman, Newsday
1. "One of its most unfortunate elements is seeing Bullock so stranded and helpless in would-be comic frenzy. An actress should never, ever, be asked to run beside a van in red disco boots for more than about half a block, and then only if her child is being kidnapped." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
ยท All About Steve [Rotten Tomatoes]