This week starts where last week ended -- with Luke bin Jealous storming into the Dallas vampire HQ and detonating a suicide bomb packed with dental fillings. Vampires are always quick to tell you their hideaway is "an original Neutra. Did you know Neutra was a vampire? It's true!" Eric lies on the ground, vampire-dying (i.e. not really dying), and begs Sookie to suck the silver out of him. She does so, but Bill shows up and explains it was a sneaky trick to make her horny for him -- sucking on a vampire's blood does that!
Hoyt asks perma-hymenated Jessica to meet his mom, which is considered a huge step in any virgin's courtship of a vampire. Tara and Eggs are a little bit concerned about their blackout, and confront Maryann about it, with Tara explaining that the last time she blacked out, she ate a fake-voodoo-priestess's heart and beat up her actory boyfriend, and that she'd hate for that to happen again. Maryann gets teary and crazy and says something about how all great religions celebrate blacking out -- "Didn't you see The Hangover??" -- but it doesn't sit well with them.
Back at the hotel in Dallas, reunited Stackhouse siblings discuss Jason's terrible experience in the Capri-Sun Church of the Poison Mind. "They liked my sexual abilities," he says, "But they didn't like me." Then brother and sister bemoan the death of Gran, and cuddle up for some cable news debates between mean vampire spokeslady Nan Flanagan and Rev. Steve and Sarah.
Hoyt confronts his mom, who hates lots of people and hates lots of monsters too! Like vampires! He really loses his cool on his mom. Hey, you know how Jason Stackhouse thought the Churchies liked his sexual abilities but not him? I bet that's what Alexander Skarsgård thinks sometimes about True Blood producers, particularly after he was required to shoot his first naked-butt dream-sequence scene. If Eggs can do it, so can you, Alexander Skarsgård! Just because you have a tiny circle over the second "a" in your last name doesn't make you any better than any other True Blood hunk.
Maryann comes to the police station in pursuit of Sam and vibrates Larry from Newhart into black-eyed submission. Sam shape-shifts into a fly and escapes, though. Over at Merlotte's, Hoyt's mom meets Jessica, who pledges to stay between them and reminds Jessica that she'll never provide Hoyt with children, sending Jessica running off crying tears of blood. Future mothers-in-law: Can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.
Over at Sookie's abandoned house, Lafayette comes by with Tara's mom Fantasia Barrino -- Lafayette was suspicious when he saw the bruises on Tara's face -- and kidnap Tara. At a Dallas vampire summit, Nan Flanagan calls it a "national vampire disaster" or some such, and Vampire Jesus Godric clearly feels terrible about what he's wrought, and Bill punches Eric for seducing Sookie. On the roof, longtime vampire companions Eric and Godric say their Swedish goodbyes as Sookie looks on in the background. Wait -- Godric is really going through with this. DON'T DO IT, GODRIC! THERE'S PEOPLE YOU CAN TALK TO! TURNING YOURSELF INTO A GIANT PROPANE TORCH ISN'T WORTH IT!
End! Of! Episode!