A "Bombshell ENQUIRER.com WORLD EXCLUSIVE" reveals D.C.-area poet Damon Lloyd Goffe is seeking damages from Oprah Winfrey in the amount of $1,200,000,000,000, for allegedly having sold a volume of his poetry as his own online. They provide the official legal document -- easily identifiable because it says "OFFICIAL LEGAL DOCUMENT" on it in giant, red stenciled letters -- which appears to have been drafted on the back of a Sizzler placemat. The accompanying photo features Sad, Sued Oprah shedding a single trillion-dollar tear, the salty extract of mulched diamonds. [Natl Enq]