I have a confession to make: I have never seen Megan Fox act onscreen.
Through a mixup of events, a heavy 2007 workload, and a healthy instinct for self-preservation, I never saw the first Transformers film. I realize that as an internet film journalist, such an admittance is akin to saying I somehow missed Citizen Kane, but it is true.
The thing is, though, if you didn't see Fox in Transformers, you likely haven't seen her in anything. Hope & Faith? No, sorry. Jennifer's Body? Not out yet. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People? Trick question: No one saw that.
So why, despite my unfamiliarity with her work, do I still think Fox is the bees' knees?
Because in my mind, Fox isn't an actress but a professional raconteur who makes films as a side project -- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not her best work, and she'd be the first to admit it. Instead, her IMDb profile really, truly should consist of the interviews she gives, of which her Entertainment Weekly cover story is only the most recent, balls-out example. Here are some simply wonderful excerpts:
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Transformers turned you into an overnight star. Looking back, how do you feel about the movie?
MEGAN FOX: I'm terrible in it. It's my first real movie and it's not honest and not realistic. The movie wasn't bad, I just wasn't proud about what I did.
Are you happy with the kinds of roles you're getting offered now?
I get offered some outrageous s---, like Bikini Summer Camp Island, or whatever.
Do you think you're good-looking?
Well, I'm clearly not ugly.
You've said you're afraid of [Angelina Jolie].
I was joking! She always seems otherworldly in her power and her confidence. I'm sure she has no idea who I am. But if I were her, I'd be like, ''Who the f--- is this little bulls--- brat who was in Transformers that's going to be the next me?'' I don't want to meet her; I'd be embarrassed.
Your first film was the 2001 Olsen twins straight-to-DVD movie Holiday in the Sun. Have you watched it lately?
Oh, f--- no! I would kill myself!
Really, the entire thing is blockquotable -- I haven't even gotten into her "circus freak" waist or Lindsay Lohan-dissing. And sure, Fox may be playing up her outrageous personality for headlines, but I'm all too happy to give them to her, because we live in an era where stars are controlled by publicists to an almost stultifying degree. The reason every little remark is analyzed online and eventually stripped of context is because celebrities too rarely drop bon mots of any worth these days, so the slightest quote that's out of the norm will be endlessly pored over. I far prefer Fox's strategy: carpet-bomb the media with insane quotes at least once a day so that none of them have a chance of sticking.
Foxy, in the same way I try to ignore Russell Crowe's phone-throwing and band-having when I sit down to watch L.A. Confidential on DVD, I promise never to let your extracurricular acting career get in the way of this thing we have together. Shine on, you crazy nutbar.
ยท Megan Fox: 'Fallen' Angel [EW]