Dear Hollywood: Please Leave These 9 Beloved '80s Cartoons Alone

From Transformers to G.I. Joe to this weekend's The Smurfs, children of the '80s have lost many a Saturday morning cartoon memory to the cash-grabbing clutches of the Hollywood remake machine. Plenty more are being developed into shiny, CG-smooth reboots as we speak. So let's take a moment and plea, for the sake of those that remain, that these nine beloved, totally '80s children's properties be left where they belong: In our fuzzy, warm past -- safe in the glow of yesteryear.

Rainbow Brite

One of the reasons the '80s were so damn colorful? Rainbow Brite. The little girl heroine with big hair and friends of every color (literally) ruled Rainbow Land and kept Earth colorful for all little children with the help of her trusty talking steed, Starlite -- a rainbow-colored pony who walked on top of rainbows. A 13-episode animated series ran from 1984-1986, but 1985's feature-length animated film Rainbow Brite and the Star-Stealer is a forgotten classic, by far the strongest piece in the Rainbow Brite catalogue. (Better to forget the terrifying live-action show hosted by a giant, person-in-a-suit Rainbow Brite, Barney-style.) Remake or reboot this artifact of '80s nostalgia, Hollywood, and I will cut you.

Gummi Bears

"Gummi beeears, bouncing here and there and everywhere... high adventure that's beyond compare, they are the Gummi Bears!" Eisner-era Disney achieved the feat of turning the delicious gummi bear candies into a wonderfully rich animated series envisioning the Gummi Bears as a race of magical Medieval creatures living in secrecy in the kingdom of Dunwyn, hunted by the evil Duke Igthorn and his sidekick, Toadwart. Yes, it was basically a Smurfs knockoff (the father figure, the human villain, the "Gummiberry juice"), which is even more of a red flag for fans of the Disney Afternoon staple: If The Smurfs is a hit, will Disney unearth and update the Gummi Bears with a modernized, CG treatment?

Jem and the Holograms

If there's any truth to rumors about a Jem and the Holograms live-action movie, I'll be truly, truly, truly outraged. For starters, how can you possibly recreate the dated (but awesome) spirit of the show about a businesswoman by day, rock star by night without completely losing that totally '80s rock 'n' roll flair? Updated for the 21st century, Jem's magic is ruined; holograms, Synergy, male love interests with great hair and names like Rio -- they're so of a time, it'd be a shame to replace them with, say, iPods and tween stars and whatever the Justin Bieber demographic is into these days. Besides, what actress today could really fill Jerrica Benton/Jem's pumps? (Well, here are a few guesses.) Better to leave Jem to live forever on,and fabulously so, on DVD and on The Hub.

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Comments

  • spiek78 says:

    I loved The Gummi Bears!

  • The WInchester says:

    But one that they can totally mess with and make live action: MASK! Cars that turn into boats, helicopters that turn into jets, forts hidden in the sides of mountains, dudes with... well, masks!
    It practically already has Shia LeBouf attached to star just from the description alone!

  • Jen Yamato says:

    Totally fine with that. Take MASK! Just leave me and my She-Ra alone... My precious...

  • Joanna says:

    Dude, are you nuts? I would TOTALLY see a "Thundarr the Barbarian" film...only if it had Kellan Lutz as Thundarr.

  • Jen Yamato says:

    Toss up between Gummi Bear and Jem for the best animated theme song of the decade.

  • ILDC says:

    My Little Pony, unless it's an animated FiM movie. Isn't there already a Care Bears CGI show?

  • Meh... says:

    LOVE the Brave Little Toaster!! Just watched it the other day actually...
    PLEASE NO:
    Pound Puppies
    the Wuzzles
    Rescue Rangers
    Tale Spin
    Darkwing Duck
    Children of the Sun
    Pirates of Dark Water
    David the Gnome
    the Noozles
    the Littles
    Count Duckula
    Duck Tales

  • Jonathon says:

    Seeing as Disney has not boterhed to complete the DVD releases for Gummie Bears,as well as DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin, Darkwing Duck, and Gargoyles I think it's safe to say they won't touch Gummie Bears with a 59 1/2 foot poll. Lest face it, those shows are like the red-headed step children of the Disney family.

  • bib fortuna says:

    What about Shirt Tales or The Get-Along Gang?

  • Martini Shark says:

    If they ever give "Johnny Bravo" the live action/ CGI treatment something is going to burn.

  • The WInchester says:

    Yes. Most likely a blunt.

  • jonnyhllywd says:

    Big up to The Littles - they got tails and shit!

  • jonnyhllywd says:

    I mean - should I? - seems too easy...but he does have my first name, so I HAVE to defend it (even tho' he splet it wrong - JonathAn) I guess I will go ahead and send it...

  • jamie_m says:

    Guy's, You're forgetting about the greatest 80' kids show ever,,
    THE MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD,,
    Seriously,, check out this intro
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq5Y_ogiyi0
    I'm tellin ya, this show was so ahead of it's time, such amazing adventures
    and storylines based on real life history mixed with science-fiction

  • SD says:

    Yes! I remember that. Along with Ulysses 31 and Dogtanian. I really enjoyed it.
    Incidentally, wasn't there a new script knocking around for Masters of the Universe that was meant to be really good.

  • Eric says:

    Hollywood has run out of ideas. What were they thinking bringing The Smurfs to the big screen? Surely it wasn't to make a lot of money. It is a huge flop. They've been advertising for the movie for over a year.

  • Glen says:

    I think its a terrible idea but with an opening weekend of 36 million and a budget of only 110 million, it is sure to make them a bunch of money.

  • Kyle says:

    Hannah Montana is more of a rip-off of Jem and the Holograms, an 80s cartoon about [surprise] a teenage girl who's secret persona is a rock/pop superstar.

  • Kevin says:

    Your memories spontaneously spoil when someone tries something new with a mothballed franchise? Really? You're that fragile?

  • paul jones says:

    Sorry to tell you but a garbage pail kids film has already been made.
    It was made in 1987 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093072/

  • Crys says:

    something about me loves that my 4-year old loves Classic Jem on th Hub, Rainbow Brite on Netflix, and She-Ra on DVD. She can't get enough.

  • ILDC says:

    Already noted.

  • terrans had their day

  • hrs says:

    They're making a He-Man live action movie. Another executive is toying with the idea of a making a She-Ra live action TV series but its still in the very early developmental stage.
    As for Jem, Hasbro is rumored to be working on a revival cartoon for the series. That is if the Hub channel can survive through its first year.

  • Jesse D. says:

    Wow, a he man live action is in the works...as well as a live action voltron. Seriously, I should have known something was up with that Carebears remake back in like 08.'..it started a whole chain reaction of crap. Seriously, I can't wait for Hollywood start stealing ideas from the 90's for movies...Then we can expect Might Max, Sailor Moon, or Street Sharks the live action movie. With the crap economy in the us, all the stupid reality shows on TV, all the lame shooters that are all released as video games and eaten up by fanboys with no life, mostly lame music scene, and everything from your childhood being brought back to life, usually in crap fashion...(See the 2nd *RUSHED OUT* Chipmunk's movie)...Is it possible to hate things anymore than you already do???...I think I've reached my limit...time to go stick my head in the sand and pretend I never saw this...

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