Let's Hear Your #GeriatricNoir Titles!

Twitter users are pretending to be smarty-pants Movieline commenters today, as a top trending topic is #geriatricnoir. Baffling? Indeed. The idea is you riff on a film noir title (like The Postman Always Rings Twice) and add some octogenarian flair to it (The Postman Always Brings Too Much Junk Mail, Dammit, for starters). Let's find some great examples from Twitter, add a couple of our own, and then you can try and out-funny all of us. Deal?

Here are Twitter's greatest hits:

@roblathan: Shoot the Piano Player. He's a Commie.

@andy_richter: The Postman Always Seems to be a Mexican These Days

@jerryrenek: Kiss Me, Deadly (Just Give Me A Minute To Put In My Teeth)

@pattonoswalt: The Big Nap

@ianmsantos: The Man Who Remembered Nothing

And now, here are some of ours:

· Sorry, Wrong Whippersnapper

· The Spiral Stairclimber

· The Maltese Fuckin' Keeps Crapping in My Yard

Your turn. Wow/woo us.