As Oprah's reign as chatfest czarina comes to a close this coming week, it's time to lament some "favorite things" that Ms. Winfrey will never give us: screamed welcomes of hard-to-pronounce celebrity names. I'm sorry, but "JOHN TRUH-VOLE-TUH!" and "mee dear perznal freend JULIAR RAHRBERRRRZ" are downright easy to bellow. Why didn't Oprah ever challenge herself? Join us as we list a bunch of difficult, movie-related names that Oprah never got to introduce with a loving caterwaul and disturbing hand gestures. We also provide Oprah-fied phonetic spellings of each!
Name: Shohreh Aghdashloo
Oprahnunciation:"Sho' Sho' ShoooooooRHEH Ahaaaagh-dash-loo-oo-oo-OOH! OH! WHAT!"
Corresponding Oprah Gesture: Throwing handfuls of sand while spinning in a fog
Name: Fernanda Montenegro
Oprahnunciation: (with muy caliente brio) "Fieeeeer-NON-DEH! MAWN-TE-negggroh. CHOO-CHOO! Welcome to Oprah's Central Station, girrrrl!" (See below.)
Corresponding Oprah Gesture: Castanet clicking for first name, chugga-chugga-choo-choo Central Station locomotive arm for surname.
Name: Olympia Dukakis
Oprah-nunciation: "Olympia DOO. Olympia Doo-kak. OLYMPIA DOOCAWKAYASSS-AYE-YES-AYE-YES. Oh, Oleeeempia?"
Corresponding Oprah Gesture: Slapping her own face, a la "Snap out of it!"
Name: The Wachowskis
Oprah-nunciation: "The! Wach! OWWWW! SKEE-SKEE-SKEES! Aww, skee, skee! Aww, skee, skee! Uh, SIBLAAANGS!"
Corresponding Opra Gesture: Throwing 3-D, holographic ninja stars at the audience
Name: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Oprah-nunciation: "FLO! REE! UHHN! Henckel-Henckel-Henckel! V-O-N, V-v-v-VON! DONNARSMARARHGAACHHHARRHHHH. ARRR-HA-HA! AHA HA!"
Corresponding Oprah Gesture: Whipping a white ribbon lasso like Gene Autry