The bladed pendulum of unpopularity swung down on another American Idol contestant last night, and the world wept. Or cheered? Either way, the world saw what was going on. But who got the boot? Was it luskmonster Jacob Lusk? Was it Howley Reinhart? What about Mr. Beardsley himself, Casey Abrams? The answer is after the jump, with a full memorial.
Though this week's "bottom three" had nothing to do with vote counts, Idol pretended that Scotty McCreery, Jacob Lusk, and Casey Abrams were in greatest danger of being eliminated. The actual evictee? Casey Abrams. Judges' save? More like judges' shave, please.
Legacy: Casey Abrams brought the double bass, quintuple growls, and Cobain-style stomach afflictions to the Idol fore. Randy Jackson called him the best musician in Idol history, and Randy Jackson only showers hyperbolic superlatives on everybody. Casey was also known for his unusual song choices, which included "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "I Put a Spell on You," "Nature Boy," and the unsung pirate rap I wrote for him, "Redbeard's Delight." (Please include on your first EP, Casey.)
We Will Miss Most: His jazz band dorkiness. His Pez dispenser noggin. His vertically symmetrical face. His complete breakdown upon receiving the judges' save. His sexual way with a melodica. His Rankin-Bass claymation Santa visage. I think that's it.
What Could've Been: A grunt-filled rendition of "She Works Hard for the Money" during Disco Week, a raunchy attempt at "Let's Spend the Night Together" for next week's "Now and Then" theme, and more creepy sexual energy than a bonfire game of Truth or Dare at band camp.
Closing Words: Casey, you added feral noises, novelty musical instruments, and hirsute horniness to the tenth season of Idol. But you dared to kiss Jennifer Lopez, and for that, the sunken scowl of Marc Anthony descended upon you and knocked you out of contention. Sorry, and haha.