9 Lessons Learned From the Beastie Boys' Fight For Your Right: Revisited Film

Last night, the Beastie Boys debuted their 20-minute short, Fight For Your Right: Revisited for the masses on VH1 (the film screened earlier in the year at Sundance). In it, the Beastie Boys of old (Seth Rogen as Mike D, Elijah Wood as Ad-Rock and Danny McBride as MCA) cracked wise to concerned parents and caused chaos in fine French restaurants. That was all before they scored acid off of a punk-haired Chloe Sevigny and watched as their future selves (played by John C. Reilly, Will Ferrell and Jack Black, respectively) pulled up in a DeLorean with a dance mat tied to the roof. New Beastie Boys dance battled old Beastie Boys and then the real Beastie Boys showed up as police officers to arrest the miscreants. Now let's forget that flimsy plot and get down to the hard lessons taught in this music video.

1.) Elijah Wood is the most skilled lip syncher of the six Beastie boy imposters. Danny McBride is the most skilled lip syncher who constantly looks like he is about to suffer a heart attack as he walks down the street.

2.) Contrary to popular belief, Orlando Bloom is entirely capable of playing a homeless window washer who favors western wear and dabs wood-paneled station wagon windshields for spare change. (Pictured right. Note: This was as the Boys were tripping on acid, hence the blurred vision.)

3.) There is only one way to make a 20-minute Beastie Boys tribute video funny: By stopping everything so that Will Ferrell, as the middle-aged Ghost of Ad-Rock Future, can argue with John C. Reilly about who tied the dance mat too tightly to the DeLorean roof.

4.) If the Beastie Boys Past actually encountered the Beastie Boys Future, they'd waste a minute of this precious space-time continuum lapse by crossing streams with each other on a dance mat. (Pictured left.)

5.) Don't drunkenly cause a ruckus in a French restaurant, especially when Laura Dern, Jason Schwartzman, Amy Poehler and Roman Coppola are eating inside and Steve Buscemi is bussing tables. A maitre d' played by Ted Danson will usher you out and it will be embarrassing.

6.) Chloe Sevigny is scariest when wearing an '80s punk wig and staring dead-eyed into the camera as she nonchalantly stabs Elijah Wood in the back of a limo. (Pictured right.)

7.) Adam Scott took this role so that he could cross "vaguely annoyed cab driver" off of his list of dream characters.

8.) The '80s Beastie Boys were unnecessarily authority-averse punks, and judging by the way the Beastie Boys have chosen to parody themselves in this music video, that chapter of their lives is closed.

9.) Finally, this is what a DeLorean looks like when a dance mat is tied to the roof. (Pictured left.)

Fight for Your Right: Revisited is not currently scheduled to air again, but keep an eye on your local listings. Or the Internet.