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SNL Scorecard: Other Than Helen Mirren's Breasts, A Very Flat Night

There's really no way to soften the blow here: Helen Mirren's turn as Saturday Night Live host was a massive disappointment. Flat, flat, flat... everything the whole night -- well, except her breasts in one sketch -- was flat. Resorting to the tired and meta "SNL isn't funny anymore" jokes as early as the cold open reveals a staff that appears to be looking ahead to its three-week break (SNL, thankfully at this point, doesn't return until May 7). So, yeah, enjoy your break, guys. Please think of something funny while you're gone. Meanwhile, on to a very depressing scorecard...

Sketch of the Night

"Mary Shelly" (Armisen, Mirren, Wiig, Hader, Sudeikis, Moynihan, Brittain) I guess this is the sketch of the night? At least I chuckled a couple of times. Armisen plays Frank Stein, Mary Shelly's landlord who appears to have been the inspiration for Shelly's book Frankenstein. Good concept, decent execution but felt more like the weird last sketch of the show as opposed to a headliner.

Score: 7.5

The Good

"Best of Both Worlds with Hugh Jackman" (Samberg, Killam, Thompson, Mirran): This would have been the best sketch of the show if it wouldn't have come to a screeching halt once Mirren showed up as Julie Andrews. Samberg was perfect as the aggressive Wolverine-ish Hugh Jackman, who also has his Tony Awards-hosting sensitive side. After, it really made no sense. Gerard Butler was an odd choice since he's firmly a rom-com kinda guy these days (plus it's obvious Killam doesn't really do a Gerard Butler impression). And my only guess is that Mirren just really wanted to play Julie Andrews at some point during the show, because it made very little sense next to Jackman, Butler and Ice Cube.

Score: 7.0

"Helen Mirren's Magical Bosom" (Pedrad, Mirren, Wiig, Samberg, Grohl): This was fun, if nothing else than to see Brendan Fraser laugh clap from last year's Golden Globes again. If you touch Helen Mirren's breasts, you're transported into a magical world -- which I can only assume is true.

Score: 7.0

"Perspectives Photo Studio" (Sudeikis, Killam, Moynihan, Hader): This may have been a little timelier had it aired near the beginning of the season. Regardless, this went from "OK" to "good" with one Bobby Moynihan "Boom!" as he subbed in for a less-endowed customer. How does that conversation go during the week? "Hey, Bobby, do you want to do a walk-on in the commercial parody as the guy with the big penis?" "Yes. Yes I do."

Score: 6.5

"Helen Mirren Monologue" (Mirren, Ensemble): This was Mirren's highlight of the show. She was spunky and even made a Caligula orgy reference. Strange, though, that another meta SNL joke was used -- this one at the expense of last week's "Hey, did you know that I'm gay?" Elton John-hosted installment.

Score: 6.5

The Bad

"Fox and Friends" (Killam, Bayer, Moynihan, Armisen, Mirren): Half of this sketch was really good. Unfortunately they had to find a role for Mirren (she is the host and all), and they didn't quite know what to do with her. The tempo of this sketch lost all momentum once Mirren showed up as a half-southern and half-Scottish (?) woman making accusations that Mexicans are abducting American women to bring to Mexico to have Mexican-born babies -- which makes no sense even as a joke.

Score: 5.5

"Underground Festival: Easter" (Sudeikis, Pedrad, Moynihan, Pharoah): Maybe, just maybe, it's time to put this bad boy to bed. The original version was one of my favorite sketches from last season. The follow-up was... pretty OK. This one? Honestly, I would have preferred if they had just shown the original again. Maybe it's time for Ass Dan to finally rest in peace forever. Also, I thought I was the only one who remembered Juwanna Mann.

Score: 5.0

"The Roosevelts" (Hader, Mirren, Elliott, Armisen, Brittain): A couple of weeks ago, we were openly commenting how odd it was that there were actually two FDR sketches during the first five years of SNL. Now, here we are, we have a 2011 entry. And just like its '70s counterparts, what's the point? Why the Roosevelts? There's not a more modern presidential family to skewer as a peg for a sketch making fun of The Kennedys mini-series? Also, this sketch is a perfect example of the flatness of the evening. Some more energy could have saved it.

Score: 5.0

"Celebrity Taxes" (Samberg, Brittain, Elliott, Pedrad, Bayer, Pharoah, Hader, Mirren): It was nice to see both Brittain's Johnny Depp and his James Franco again (even though the "phoning it in at the Oscars" joke was about a month too late), and Pharoah's Will Smith is fun as well. But the Kardashians... why? Why does SNL continue to parade out this train wreck of an impression? The Kardashians whine! We get it!

Score: 4.5

"Weekend Update" (Meyers, Hader, Wiig, Thompson): So you want to know who enjoyed this week's "Weekend Update"? Lou Bega. The guy was referenced three times! Other than Mr. Bega, this week's "Update" featured way too many of those wry Meyers grins when he knows a jokes falls flat (there's that word again) and the segments this week -- James Carville, Jean K Jean -- just seemed old and stale. Case in point: Lou Bega and Def Jam Comedy jokes. At lease Wiig's Southwest Airlines flight attendant was a new char
acter and, against the grain of the rest of the show, topical.

Score: 4.0

"Strip Club" (Sudeikis, Wiig, Elliott, Pedrad, Grohl): The greatest service this sketch could have done for itself is had Dave Grohl in the whole thing. His presence ushered a nice shot of adrenaline, but far too late to save it. However, if this sketch was going for realism rather than comedy, it nailed it: This was as depressing as being in an actual strip club.

Score: 2.5

The Ugly

"Presidential Address Cold Open" (Armisen): "While some are still unhappy that [SNL] is still on the air." I love SNL, and I am an adamant defender of SNL. On average, there are just any many bad sketches in a show today as there was in 1977. But, a line like this in a sketch with zero laughs does... not... help.

Score: 1.5

Average Score For This Show: 5.21

Weekly Host Scorecard:

· Russell Brand 6.35

· Jeff Bridges 6.21

· Amy Poehler 6.04

· Anne Hathaway 6.00

· Emma Stone 5.88

· Gwyneth Paltrow 5.88

· Zach Galifianakis 5.86

· Jon Hamm 5.86

· Paul Rudd 5.83

· Robert De Niro 5.83

· Jim Carrey 5.80

· Jesse Eisenberg 5.79

· Bryan Cranston 5.79

· Elton John 5.77

· Dana Carvey 5.75

· Miley Cyrus 5.54

· Jane Lynch 5.31

· Hellen Mirren 5.21

· Scarlett Johansson 4.69

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