Another day, another series of baffling remake announcements. Since today is April 1st, I have been clicking on each story with cautious hopes that the link would lead to a photo of a big Jack-in-the-Box laughing at me (or something of the sort). Sadly, that hasn't happened as often as I would have liked. So, just to lighten the mood, let's see how well you know Hollywood! Click through to read a list of remake announcements and try to guess which projects are fake, and which are actually in development.
1. Driller Killer
A modern retelling of Abel Ferrara's first non-porno feature film, which, despite the title, played more like Taxi Driver with a drill than an actual horror film. As with the remake of Ferrara's Bad Lieutenant, Werner Herzog will direct and Nicolas Cage will play the lead.
2. The Big Sleep
Michael Bay's company Platinum Dunes has acquired the rights to remake the classic Raymond Chandler adaptation, hoping to produce an entire series of Philip Marlowe films for a younger generation. Shia Labeouf is said to be in talks for the role of Marlowe, despite reports of disagreements with Bay on the set of Transformers 3.
3. Time Bandits
Terry Giliam's cult classic will be transformed into a family action-film franchise that will likely downplay the more bizarre aspects of the original. Get pumped now for the sequels!
4. The Long Good Friday
The seminal Bob Hoskins gangster movie from 1980 is going to be adapted into a new TV show. Originally, it was supposed to be remade for the screen by Resident Evil director Paul W.S. Anderson, but those plans fell through, so it's headed for the small screen.
5. First Blood
This remake will update the story of the first film, this time re-imagining John Rambo as a disillusioned soldier returning home from the Middle East. Sylvester Stallone will executive produce, but as of now, has no plans to work on the film in any other capacity.
Answers on the next page!
1. Driller Killer
This is happening. But not the part about Herzog and Cage; that was just wishful thinking.
2. The Big Sleep
Thankfully, I made this up.
3. Time Bandits
Totally happening.
4. The Long Good Friday
This is all true, thanks to the same team bringing you that Time Bandits remake.
5. First Blood
Rest easy. Sly's Rambo legacy is still intact. For now.