The genius thing about the Lifetime Network is that it takes sensational news stories and speedily fashions them into successful made-for-TV-movies by somehow making the most unsympathetic real-life female protagonists into sympathetic characters. For instance, the chick who was engaged to the Craigslist Killer? Lifetime made her an eager bride-to-be who was too obsessed with floral arrangements to notice her fiance's knife collection under the bed. Been there! And with the network's upcoming William & Kate -- the film about the next royal couple -- Lifetime throws a teary Kate Middleton character into a bathtub with a glass of Merlot and watches her heart break in real time. The future Queen of England is just like us.
In William & Kate -- which is sadly being broadcast in 2-D on April 18, just like the actual royal wedding scheduled a week and a half later -- fictional Kate Middleton (Camilla Luddington) tries to explain that Prince William (Nico Evers-Swindell), son of the ill-fated Princess Diana and grandson of Queen Elizabeth II, is totally normal!
"He's just a guy," Middleton smugly tells a friend while wearing sporty running gear in this 30-second preview clip.
Smash cut to Prince "Just a Guy" William pheasant hunting with his father Prince Charles.
Since that "just a guy" proclamation wasn't convincing, Lifetime recruits its starring actress Luddington to appeal to viewers -- not a good sign.
"Lifetime viewers are going to get a great love story," Luddington declares before a quick montage of romantic clips.
That's fine but I think Lifetime viewers are all aware that all they are ever going to get from this network is mediocre love stories at best. And they're all fine with that.
VERDICT: Regardless of the fact that this film will be totally undeserving of my time, I will be tuning in.
ยท William & Kate Preview [YouTube via Zap2it]