Warner Bros. Fires Charlie Sheen For Being 'Self-Destructive and Ill'; Charlie Sheen Calls This 'Good News'

After two weeks of badmouthing, insane salary demands and general craziness from Charlie Sheen, Warner Bros. and CBS have finally had enough. In a joint effort this afternoon, the pair officially fired their "warlock genius" Two and a Half Men star, citing "dangerously self-destructive conduct" and the fact that Sheen "appears to be very ill." Unsurprisingly, Sheen has already responded to these allegations.

"This is very good news," Sheen told TMZ just minutes ago. "They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension."

The 11-page termination document, written by said "breached whales," includes the following passage, detailing why the star was fired -- as if you didn't already know:

"There is ample evidence supporting Warner Bros. reasonable good faith opinion that Mr. Sheen has committed felony offenses involving moral turpitude (including but not limited to furnishing of cocaine to others as part of the self-destructive lifestyle he has described publicly) that have 'interfere[d] with his ability to fully and completely render all material services required' under the agreement."

· Breaking: Charlie Sheen 'Terminated' From Two and a Half Men [TVline]

· Warner Bros. To Charlie: Here's Why You're Fired [TMZ]