9 Potential Album Titles for Gwyneth Paltrow's Atlantic Debut

Gwyneth Paltrow's musical outings on Glee and Country Strong have earned her some songstress credibility, and you know? Good on her. It's boring to slag on Mrs. Chris Martin in 2011, and I'd rather embrace her new career as a renaissance than an indecipherable tangent. Since Gwyneth's on the verge of signing a recording contract with Atlantic, I vote to assist her in the endeavor by helping her name her debut album. Here are ten phrases (some stolen right from Gwyneth's interviews and Goop articles) she should re-purpose as CD titles.

1. Macrobiotic

I envision this album cover with Gwyneth fencing against a stack of gluten.

2. Elimination Diet

With the lead singles "Liquid Meals" and "Shakes 'N Juice."

3. Sessions With Uncle Jay

"Uncle Jay" is Gwyneth's way of referring to Jay-Z, as exhibited by a guest appearance on Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show in summer '09. It has a homespun, Tom Waits-and-ScarJo vibe to it.

4. The Emancipation of Moses

This can only work if Gwyneth holds up Moses on the cover with "Circle of Life" gusto.

5. Lame Person

I sense an angst anthem in our midst. With the lead single "Lame Person (Who Cares What He Thinks)," Gwyneth can liberate America's sincerity-afflicted citizens.

6. A Rush of Lemon Water to the Urinary Tract

I figure Chris Martin will be involved somehow; may as well go with a full tribute to Coldplay and the master cleanse.

7.Ultra-Masculine Leather Goods

One of Gwyneth's kinda-sorta-dubious holiday recommendations at Goop.com, this phrase should reappear as a cheeky bit of eroticism in a "Bump 'N Grind"-style jam.

8. Goop... I Did It Again

(In case this is a bubblegum pop affair.)

9. Dark Side of the Goop

(In case this is a blockbuster sonic journey affair.)